So the big "D" word was dropped today.

No, no, not getting a divorce. (maybe next week) Just handed my scarlet letter today at therapy. *sigh* Depression.

Even discussed that nasty M word...medication! (Basically said hey...we can do meds now while you're pregnant...we can do meds after you deliver. It really might be worthwhile considering what's going on)

Had a pretty good therapy appointment earlier. Definitely not quite what I'd hoped. I felt like I was having to argue how fucked up I am. I hide it well. I could come across as normal for some people but I'm not normal for me right now.

Eventually my therapist said the big d word. So I cried in relief more than anything.

Not like I wasn't aware it was a very real option. But the concept that it might be apparent to her? Was very overwhelming.

Have another appointment for the 27th or something outrageous. She gets so damn booked up it's frustrating. But I trust her. And she's very good. So I stand it.

Liam decided to make me look like mother of the year by leaning over and giving an unprovoked movie star kiss to his mama. Made me all smiley and gooshy. And look like a big liar as I sob about how I'm really a shitty mom half the time. Shitty moms don't get movie star kisses from their chunky babies.

Oh yes, and by movie star kiss? It's really hilarious. Liam will now kiss me on demand. I realize lots of kids have been doing this for a long time by his age but he never has. Until the other day. I asked for a kiss while at his level and he leans over all slow with his little eyes closed and barely parted little lips and smooched his mama all gentle. Then sat up and smiled all proud of himself.

I realize it sounds mildly perverted but it's not like he's giving me the tongue or anything. It just cracks me up how deliberate and delicate his little mama kisses are! They really look like a corny slow motion kiss between 12 year olds on a movie. :)

Hell lost my train of thought with my silly bot boy.

The last few days have actually been decent days emotionally so it was hard to go in and admit how fucked up the last few months have been emotionally. Hard to be convincing when I look and act healthy and happy.

I got a recommendation for a book. And an interesting worksheet to work through my depressive feelings. Logic based me loves the concept. Critical me thinks it's ridiculous and I already do it basically and what's some stupid paper gonna do (yeah, real helpful moron)

I've also decided on my midwife appointment Tuesday I'm going to dedicate time to discussing what went wrong when I gave birth to Liam. Discuss my anxieties and fears about Lily's birth. What we can do to minimize it. How we can assure it goes different and what the plan will be if, for some reason, it doesn't. I've been avoiding the topic but it's really time I step up and approach it directly. I think I'll email my midwife to give her the heads up so she's aware of how fucked my delivery of him was.

Today was a rather productive day. Therapy. Then a run to the store where the clearance rack swept me in with their extra 50% off. Liam got a fabulous fleece robe that makes me giggle and squeal. I cannot wait to put it on him!

I also got the makings to start up making smoothies for him. I've gotta get real food in him one way or another and since he's mr liquid diet maybe this will work.

Bought new sippies too. Gotta push it more. Gotta be proactive in getting Liam over these roadblocks of his. Granted I'm hesitant because with Lily's birth regression is likely and fighting this hard just to go back to square one is an exhausting prospect but we've gotta work a little bit.

Liam's appointment probably merits a post of his own. He's grown like a madman again. Up to 33.75" and 28 pounds. (That's 95% for height and 85% for weight once more) He even stood on the big boy scale! *sob* his little naked ass standing there with just socks on (I was so afraid he'd pee!) I only wish I'd had a camera because it was just classic.

He was prescribed an albuterol inhaler for his nighttime cough episodes. He hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything but asthma was hinted and considering at his age the qualification is 3 coughs like he had in 1 season? Um...he's pretty much there. *sigh* Unfortunately the inhaler is in real adult form with a spacer and mask to try to deliver it to him instead of a nebulizer machine. I feel that would be a better option but the dr assures me this should be fairly effective provided we can keep his face NEAR the mask at least. Easier said than done though thus far we've just done it at night which is a good plan. If it doesn't work long term I'm going to ask to switch. The nebulizer is a bigger pain in the ass but more effective at his age. (I lived with an asthmatic toddler before so I'm kinda used to the concept.)

I am a little worried that he's developing a cold now. I really wanted to get rid of this damn cough thing and see how the albuterol worked for him and there he goes picking up a cold from the damn dr's office no doubt. Hopefully it doesn't turn more serious. Of course I have horrid flash backs to my cousin's son and his asthmatic problems. HUGE difference, of course, as he is severely asthmatic (was hospitalized before a year old with a full blown horror attack call 911 kinda activity) wheras even if Liam gets the label...it will be mild. For which I'm thankful.

Oh yes, and finally...my child and I spent about 15 minutes earlier with me saying "HUSH NOW!" and him staring very seriously then slapping both hands over his mouth or ears, then me laughing hysterically and repeating. It was a fantastic good time.

I think that about recaps shit. So much for separate entries for separate shit. Sometimes you just gotta blab it all down.

Now I need to remove the tortilla chips from my reach. I have no will power these days and they're little and round and oh so addicting!

I wonder how much weight I will have gained at my appointment Tuesday! :) I do so love the idea that is' pregnancy so it doesn't matter (though I'm quite a low weight gainer. I'm guessing if I were at 30 or 40 pounds gained thus far I wouldn't be so cocky and laughing about it.) I'm hoping the nurse who was there last time is there again and wasn't just subbing. I hate the normal nurse but I LOVED this gal.

Off to point at my son so he laughs hysterically like the loon that he is. At least we're loony together.

~M

oh yes, I forgot to add. My son has broken the law for the first time in his life. At the store we had to buy new nipples (hi! he thinks its fun to bite through them all within a day or two! and we cannot find the ones he usually use that last at least a week! pisses me off! everyone's sold out!) anyhow, I let him play with the package of nipples while we walked through the store. After he was plucked from the cart to go into his carseat I discovered....the package of nipples. They'd obviously been tucked under his little butt. WOOPS! Nice thievery! Oh well, saves me $4.39 in wasted stupid nipples this week! Good stealing honey! Mama's so proud! (HORRIFIED)

Weird lurker paranoia.

Good cod. I know most people go through paranoia periods but this one made it into my dreams last night.

I've decided I'm really creeped out by the idea of people reading this who actually KNOW me...but don't tell me they are reading it. I obviously made this public. I'm not hiding. There's a million pictures making it very obvious who I am and who my family is. Hell I handed the address out to a good chunk of people as an easy way to keep up on me. But the idea of people 'watching' me but not saying anything about it is weirding me out.

Last night I had a dream my MIL had found the site. *shudders* I know where that fear comes from but still. It got me thinking...I think I'd be really weirded out to know anyone (even not evil MIL) was reading w/o letting me know if they knew me personally without an actual invitation to read.

So now I'm all paranoid. For no good reason. Like anyone gives a shit enough to randomly stalk my freaking blog. I think they'd bother emailing my ass or stating something instead of just 'watching'. Cod knows the blog isn't that interesting. ;) But, uh, to ease my paranoia. If you know me. And you read this. And I don't know you read this? Would you tell me so I can get the heebie jeebies go bye bye? Random lurkers, eh, don't bug me (you poor things though. is this really much to lurk on? lol. click my links. far better and more interesting blogs than me! not that I'm trying to get rid of you! I *heart* random ass readers...I just get terrified of NON random readers quietly watching all stalker ex-boyfriend like. ;) )

I'll post a normal update later. I need to go shove my face full of tortilla chips with cheese dip. Cod I'm in love.

~M

Crazy appointment today...feeling very non crazy.

Why is it that if your kid is sick, your car is sick, or your sanity is sick as soon as you take them in they are all better?

I have my crazy lady appointment today. Mind you I had to wait 3 fucking weeks for it.

Of course I've felt very sane the last few days. Saner than I've felt in a long ass time. Yesterday was hell day with Liam yet I wasn't frustrated, I wasn't cranky, I wasn't angry. I was the way I should've been.

If this had happened last week I would've been hysterical, angry, sobby, pissy, hide in a corner.

Of course the day I go in I've had a good streak for a few days.

So I'm afraid I'll ice over what has been going on. Or mention I've been better the last few days. I'll sugar coat shit. I always do. Afraid to be totally real but maybe a bit in denial as well.

I have no idea what the point of this appointment is. *sigh* Maybe it'll come out when I go in. Maybe it won't. I could easily get a pep talk from my therapist and leave feeling confident and okay and capable like I always do. The reality is? I'm not confident or capable more than a few days after such a pep talk then I struggle because I know better. Because I know I'm capable. But I'm NOT capable.

I dunno. I now have an ass, a leg, an arm, SOMETHING In my rib hurting really fucking bad and making me have to sit an at angle which makes it difficult to type. Hopefully my appointment later is a good one. That it doesn't go all craptacular or waste of time for $20 copay and half a day off work for Josh.

I should eat some breakfast before we go but I have no motivation there either. *sigh*

Or, you know, with 40 minutes to go, I could put on clothes, dress my child, and psych myself up for my crazy lady appointment.

Should probably go with option b with a side of a if I get a chance.

Whatcha wanna bet I sit on my ass for another 20 minutes instead. *sigh*

~M

I am officially a pants pisser.

I know, I know. I hinted at it before. I stated that I FELT like I was going to pee myself. That I started to trickle. Oh how I was wrong.

This time though, it's for real. (what commercial is that from??!! wait. it's a car insurance. with the movie announcer man. okay. moving on.)

Anyways. Yesterday I took a shower. Oh! I felt so fresh and so clean clean (since my last shower might've been in 2006. Give or take) I was all cozy in my sweatshirt, pj pants, and even a pair of socks! My back was killing me, as usual, so I sat on the couch and put the soles of my feet together. My legs were a bit of a diamond shape. I leaned forward to stretch my back. I didn't realize leaning forward is a comical concept as my belly hit the couch almost as soon as I leaned.

I sat back up, and then I sneezed.

And then I pissed myself.

And ever the danity lady I shrieked "OMFG I JUST PISSED MYSELF!"

Cue the husband laughing hysterically and me sitting there in horror. Debating wtf to do next. Laugh? Cry? Get off my ass and change some clothing?

Thankfully I managed to pee just enough to drench my undies but not my pj pants. So quick undie swap, flushable wipe swoosh of my girlie bits (i mean, seriously, way to ruin the fresh and clean with PISS people) and back to the couch.

Yes, yes, I did it again.

*sigh*

So today I went and bought the piss pads (okay, I think they're called something sensitive like urinary incontinence liners or something but let's be real) I was super excited to see a generic AND that they have long lengths! Oh the things to be excited about.

I've officially hit pissing my pants part of pregnancy. I never QUITE got this bad with Liam. I'd have a little trickle but not a whole please change your undergarments immediately moment.

Aww, little Lily. Keep this shit up. You'd better be sweet and kind when you're born for all the havok you're wreaking right now! Liam was never this bad en womb (though cod knows he made up for it after the fact!)

And if you'd all like to see my lovely lily lump (thanks hussies for getting THAT in my head!) I give you "view from the top" what I see while sitting on the couch.



For as gigantic as I feel now past 30 weeks I'm not looking SO giant from that view.

Now off to try to chill with the family. Liam's 15 month check up was today and he's a fuss bucket. Plus I'm sure my DVR has a few items it'd like me to attend to.

And you're welcome that I shared this with you. Cod I love tmi!

~M

5 more useless tidbits.

I'm not tagging anyone. I'm too lazy and near everyone was tagged already dammit. I nearly forgot about this task I had at hand. So busy being miserable and pathetic! The other day Steph tagged me. You know. State 5 random things. I did something similar not too long ago so finding ANOTHER 5 things was quite the challenge. (you know, she's the one who tagged me last time too! ass hole!)
Here's what I came up with...


1. I MUST have a straw for anything I drink.

(I will make an exception for bottled or canned beverages but even then would rather have a straw.) I don't know WHY but I'm quite insistant. I also have a very favorite brand of straws and do not accept imitations. They break too easily dammit or have punctures. They also must be bendy straws. I have some priorities you know.

Oh yes, and on my drink particulars...I also MUST have ice in water and NEVER in soda. Never. ever. ever in soda. I'll drink it warm before I put in ice and have it get diluted. Yuck.

2. I've lived in 3 different apartments in the same complex.

Yeah. Josh & I are spectacular. But we first lived in a one bedroom. Well just as our lease was up we discovered we were pregnant with Liam and rather than stay another year in a 1 bedroom and share with him for a few months and move with a newborn...we moved while I was pregnant (should've just stayed there! Cod knows the child still doesn't utilize his room!) So we moved a few buildings down to a 2 bedroom apartment. We were sandwiched between 2 pairs of ass holes. 2 partying fuckfaced couples who rotated between party upstairs, party downstairs, run stairs and be loud. When fuckheads upstairs moved a few months before our lease was up we prayed it'd stay vacant long enough for us to at least move upwards since fuckheads down below were still there and still loud as fuck. Of course we moved upstairs and the downstairs assholes moved out within a few months. Bastards. Of course the positive of being up here is that it's so much quieter and no crazies running around above me. I always hated that.

3. I have an obsession with picking my son's ears. Actually with picking lots of things.

How sick is that? But he has CHUNKS in his ears every freaking day. It grosses me out. So every day I do a quick nail sweep of his ear. I also cannot leave scabs alone on my body. And when Liam would have cradle cap I didn't leave that alone either. I occasionally get weird dry but oily scalp where I peel like a snake. Can't leave that alone either. It's really a revolting habit. Oh. And zits? I don't' squeeze zits. That's unsanitary and just plain gross. But I pick the living shit out of them until they scab over. It's really really sick and I didn't realize I had such picking issues until I started the picking of Liam's ears. I find it very satisfying to pick whatever it is that needs to be picked. Yes, that includes Liam's nose.

4. When pregnant I absolutely CANNOT crack and mix up eggs.

I can eat eggs fine (after the 1st trimester. for some reason I have a mental block the first trimester) but with both Liam and now Lily I cannot stand cracking and mixing up eggs. For some reason it seems to REAL that, essentially, it's chicken fetus we're scrambling up. But if Josh does it for me I can cook and eat them just fine (provided I don't think about it too hard.)

5. Tom Selleck was my first love.

And I do still think he's an incredibly attractive man. But as an infant my mother had a calendar with a half naked him on it and I used to go insane. There are pictures of me just going loony at about 5 months old for good ol' Tom.

There you have it. My 5 random ass tidbits about me. Aren't you glad Steph tagged me? I'm too lazy to tag you so consider yourself lucky!

~M

The people who live in this state are mad.

Fucking trash.

I post about Klingons then look up to watch the news.

"Grandmother gets tazed" is the headline. Of course I'm interested.

Turns out this grandmother asked a man to not spank his 7 month old child. (pretty reasonable if you ask me)

They then turn to a clip of the mother of the child "It was only for a second. hahaha. I mean then he stopped. hahaha. Then she was back to being spitting mad!"

Then they turn to a clip of the father of the child asking if he'd do it again. "Well yeah! Shew as in my house. She wouldn't get out. She didn't listen. She got tazed. I mean, I wouldn't do it again if it meant 48 hours in jail again but it was right. She wouldn't listen!"

Someone should fucking taze them. Fucking ignorant trash. She says don't spank a 7 month old (and who the FUCK spanks a 7 month old) and she gets a tazer used on her? I don't care how much the conversation escalated. There was no talk of the grandmother attacking one of the parents. No no. She was tazed for what she said and what sounds like the fact that she wouldn't back down on it.

Gah. Shit like this makes me so annoyed.

Now back to our regularly scheduled Klingon discussion. Did you know I actually had a crush on Worf. But a bigger crush on Riker. Hey, I was a geeky geeky kid.

I even had POGS with their faces on them. *swoons*

Clearly needing help (but much better note to end on than the actual topic of this post, no?)

~M

And now I'm a klingon. Neato!

As usual I fell asleep on the couch last night. Liam fell asleep on his couch beside my couch. Josh stayed up watching tv.

Also as usual I got up approximately an hour after laying down to pee (oh yes, we've reached THAT part of pregnancy).

I stumble to the bathroom and stumble back to be greeted by a horrified husband.

"OMG! You look like a Klingon!"

For those of you living under a rock...here's a klingon (labeled "hot klingon lady" oh for HELLS SAKE!)



Now I admit...my hair hasn't been washed since possibly 1997. It was down. It's looked very lumpy and dreadlock like. Since I wear it twisted up in a clip every day it does poof a bit at the roots. Plus I was wearing a nose strip.

But cod almighty a KLINGON?

My husband is the devil.

Can you imagine how fabulously adorable a klingon baby will be come April?

My husband. Is the devil.

But we knew this already.

I'm back to my non klingon look this morning but horrified nonethless. I dare you to imagine what I dreamed of last night. Yup. Klingon Lily.

At least we have halloween suggestions for next year, right?

~M

sidenote: there's a freaking website dedicated to the klingon language. cod help some people.

My son is a window licker. Literally.

You heard me.

My son is a window licker.

No, no, this isn't some distasteful and cruel joke.

My son literally licks windows.

He also licks mirrors.

Glasses.

Anything reflective really.

It's a modified kissing I believe.

Normal kissing is tongue free but when he sees himself in a window he just can't resist.

That sounds a little creepy. Well, he's a strange little child.

Any time he sees himself in a reflection he gets all kinds of happy and smiley.

Except now he's added having to lick his reflection to the mix of happiness.

We have various kid mirrors around so he does this a lot but it's never as much fun as when he gets ahold of a real live window!

I suppose the chill on the window might be appealing perhaps (though it's 44 today! chill? HA! I'm WARM!!!)

It's quite a process to get to a window to lick as most of them are entirely out of his reach.

For good reason. High up apartment and windows and small children terrify me.

But there is one window within his general reach.

Given its impossible to open and stays closed due to winter I'm not too afraid.

His beloved window behind the small couch.

He's got his window licking love down to a very fine science.

Step one: Climb onto the small couch.

Step two: He must scale the back cushions (and possibly climb over his dad who is most likely laying there).

Step three: He finally arrives at the top and spots himself. Ooooooh what's that!

*insert filler
because blogger
hates me
and seems to think
I like the narrow stupid format
I should really change my template
that might solve the problem
but I'm far too lazy to transfer my links
so instead I have to give filler.
so freaking lame.*

As I was saying...he gets to the top and spots himself saying OOOOOOOOOH.



A brief conversation happens.



He then hoists one leg on the ledge and window licking begins.



You can see he alternates between window licking just window kissing. either one is a strange silly occurrence.



Finally he hops down to mosy around the rest of the house and watch Jay Leno with his parents like the normal little child he pretends to be.



Certainly he wasn't just licking a window moments before. That would be STRANGE and my little bot boy isn't strange. Nuh uh. Nooooooot in the least. He's just as normal as his mama. (Try saying that with a straight face!) Might I mention the nastiest part of the window lickage is the fact that seriously the windows probably haven't been cleaned since we moved in. How sick and disgusting is that? (Hey, until he started licking them they didn't get dirty!)

And because I'm sappy and sentimental lately I must show proof that he's been a Leno fan since a very young age. Leno & the price is right used to be his fave things ever before he moved onto kid stuff. (He was just a month old here!) Jay Leno is one of the FEW adult things we can watch w/o him copping at attitude. At least he has good late night tv taste!





~M

Are you ready for some drama!

Oooooooh lordie.

My mom & I are in weird relationship land at the moment. She's boycotting email and I hate talking to her on the phone because, um, lets just say she has a knack for saying shit that just infuriates me in the most innocent of ways. Via email I can flip her the bird and either ignore her or tell her to fuck herself. Via a phone call I get all flustered and furious. So since she's anti my email we haven't conversed in, oh, a few weeks. Though I've sent her emails nonetheless (I guess my explaination of Hurricane Liam wasn't enough to make her understand why phone calls are no good lately) she's ignored them.

Until last night. When she REPLIED to an email of mine...stating nothing about what I'd written (surprise surprise. I'd only discussed my 3 hour glucose test, my son, and asking about her new years resolutions which she's already failed twice that I know of). I get back this from her.

"yes, I got your email but just didn't feel like responding since you never seem to get my emails anyway. life just keeps getting better. Stepson got arrested today and suspended from school for 10 days with expulsion hearing being set up due to sexual harrasment. We picked him up from juvi around 2:30. Husband let him sit there for a couple of hours, we bought coffee, got husband's hair cut.

Anyway, for hugging 2 different girls and grabbing their asses while hugging, grabbing their tits, grabbing at their crotch, trying to make out with them. Hopefully both girls parents won't sue us in a civil suit. If so, we'll lose everything. They wrote affidavids to the unwanted sexual harrasment. I don't even want to go any further.

oh yeah, 100 bucks in porn on our cable bill today. The whole month of December, 9 of them. I like the 20 dollar one for girls gone wild. I can't talk about it. He's being evaluated for serious, mental illness. He needs to be institutionalized because he will never make it in the real world, that is if he's not in jail first."

Yeah. Stepson is 14 year old disaster area. I firmly place the blame on mental illness AND his dad who, uh, yeah. He was a single dad since the kid was 6ish. And has spent his entire life "making up for that" and excusing him for "ADD" which means he can do anything, however he wants, whenever he wants, with no consequence.

Might I mention that he's done the ordering porn thing multiple times before. No consequences. Gets to keep the tv in his room and the satellite box. Yeah. Keep giving him access. Is there no parental controls on satellite? I'm sorry. The first time Liam orders ANYTHING off PPV w/o asking he'd be cable box free. Oh wait, I intend to be a mean mama and not let him have a tv and cable in his room. And I intend to *gasp* utilize parental controls! What a silly idea!

The great part? The kid was expelled from his regular jr high last year for getting a blow job in the bathroom and sexual harassment. So all this is at the alternative high school. You know, the place where they put the pregnant, the druggied, or the seriously disturbed? (But they tote it as 'alternative' so children with alternative learning styles and special situations can learn in a different environment. It's basically their way of handling troubled kids. ship them to fake school! good job!) He should've fit right in. But instead he managed to get his ass into more trouble. Again.

I guess that explains why she called for the first time in centuries too. Wanted to rant, rave, and listen to herself talk about it. I wasn't up for it yesterday.

I'm not sure I'm up for it today. Evidently my sister called "all three phones many times" and is "pissed because if it were an emergency she wouldn't have known". Well sorry. Shit happens. It was Josh's day off, I didn't feel well, and I dont' even know where his phone is. My phone could've been dead. The house phone is super quiet. Maybe we were running errands. Unfortunately I'm not one of those people who race in to see who called while I was out of earshot. The only people who call me are my mom and sister. And quite frankly if I'm not in the mood to talk I don't care if they've called. Besides, in an EMERGENCY you LEAVE A MESSAGE, no? So it's pretty obvious when she calls off and on all day back and forth that she's just being dramatic. After 23 years of her craziness I know the signs. (cod is she really 23? good grief)

*sigh* So this should be interesting. Stay tuned for trashville drama. Golly. Why didn't anyone get this kid help in the last 3 years that it's been very obvious that shit like this has been building up. Seriously it's very obvious he's going towards rapist/murderer land. I'm not even being dramatic. I just know this kid and...it's wrong.

Cannot wait to hear the rest.

~M

Wasted weekend.

Okay, first off, I realize I blogged about my BREAKFAST.

OMFG Steph's coworker will surely have me committed. I mean, good grief, do bloggers really talk about their breakfast?

Um, yes. Wanna hear me tell you how well it reheated too? OMFG make me happy.

Today was such a wasted fucking day. I can't even explain how much. Add to it the fact that I literally feel like a zombie, my husband's ankle is hurt and he half slept most the day. Liam shrieked a lot. ANd tomorrow is Tuesdays again.

We got nothing done around the house or in terms of Walhell and the like. Wait, Josh cleaned the living room. The sheer quantity of graham cracker crumbs on our floor was horrifying. Cod bless my $25 pusher sweeper vacuum movie theater thing.

Also... I am going to go outside and murder the neighbor and their loud ass fucking remote control cars. These things are about as loud as those stupid motorized scooters that were so cool last year (especially for people to ride on the trail behind our house loud and buzzing) These grown fuckers are outside EVERY FUCKING NIGHT playing with their remote control cars until all hours of the night.

I'm cranky tonight. Wahwahwah.

I really should just go to bed or something but Josh is finishing his video game, Liam's watching Einsteins, and I'm waiting for my water to finish filtrating.

THIS is the kinda blog Steph should not send her coworker. I swear. All entries aren't always this mundane.

~M

Okay but in tastier news...

I made the most AMAZING fucking "breakfast" at 3pm when my husband came home from what was supposed to be a 4 hour day at work.

I got the general idea from Tasha but then decided the idea of scrambling eggs while mixed up with the other ingredients might be a little...too gooey for me. I have serious egg doneness issues.

So mmmmm. Breakfast casserole. Holy hell people. I'm just bummed I didn't have any onions. (or freaking spinach! how yummy would that be!)

But basically I browned some maple sausage (one "tube" what is that? 16oz? mmmm. jimmydeansausagemmmmmmm). I browned some shredded hashbrowns (about half a bag. too lazy to shred myself!) I threw in some mixed red/yellow/green peppers. I then tossed those together and added 6 eggs whipped up with some milk. The whole mush went into a casserole dish and in the oven for 15 minutes. I topped with some cheese, melted that up, and ate my yummy freakishly good meal. With asiago bread from the grocery's bakery section. Holy. Fucking. Hell. Yum.

Nothing better than breakfast foods. Nothing at all!

I'm pretty sure this might be my new favorite. I am a breakfast food fiend. I've gone through phases of 'farmers market' love (basically layered breakfast foods covered in cheese. mmmm), omelette love, breakfast pizza love, breakfast quesadilla love, biscuits and gravy love, french toast love... And now this breakfast casserole. Holy. Hell. Good.

Would it be wrong to go have another serving even though I'm totally stuffed?

No, I don't think it would be. Now...am I un-lazy enough to fight my son over the gate, get it out of the fridge, cut it, nuke it, fight my son over the gate again, and go eat it? That might be another story.

Mmmmm. If not though holy breakfast yum in the am. There's PLENTY for another few meals at least. Hooray for large quantities of breakfast food. I'm pretty sure there is nothing happier in the food world.

Except bread. Which rules everything else. But breakfast is a close second.

~M

2nd best? I don't think so.

I'm not sure WHY but I'm feeling cranky.

Hell who am I kidding when AREN'T I cranky? At least this time I have a solid reason.

I feel somehow like this pregnancy is less important to the rest of the world than my pregnancy with Liam was. I can't pinpoint why or who is making me feel this way but it's bugging me today. The only person who makes me feel like this is the biggest deal in the world is my midwife (who I love more than, well, I love her a hell of a lot. I will probably cry when she isn't the one to deliver me because really there are 6 of them what are the odds SHE will be on duty when I give birth? *sigh*) The stupid part is it's not like there's NO interest in my pregnancy or my daughter either! I'm not sure WHY I'm being such a weanie tonight!

I think it pisses me off more though because I'm afraid Lily will get more attention AFTER she is born. Of course I have that 'you care before or you don't care at all' mentality that I'm super hard headed about. For some reason girls are so much more gush over than boys (insane concept to me but I admit that before having a boy I was even prone to this concept). Seeing as there are so few girls around lately I feel this could be even MORE of a problem than the usual.

This is so stupid but annoying. I feel myself not interested in sharing shit about my pregnancy. About my purchases. About the little mundane things everyone asked about and cared about before.

I dunno. I mean, okay, I realize my reaction to pregnancy this time and last time were QUIIIIIIIIIITE different. However most the general public wasn't aware of the sheer panic, terror, tears, and hysteria that was in the beginning. And, uh, I'm WAY over that now. Did that set the mood strange? Perhaps it was the fact that some people didn't know until much later on? Though somehow I'd think that'd bring more interest since they wouldn't be as bored with the details day after day. Or maybe it's because I was just pregnant with Liam, what, 5 minutes ago? So I just did this so people are Michelle's babied out? Or they figure it's the same ol? (Cod it's NOTHING the same!)

I dunno. I'm just feeling...blah about everyone else's reaction to my pregnancy this time. Like it's just another day to day event. I see other pregnancies getting so much fuss and muss. I remember getting fuss and muss. Maybe that's what bugs me so much. If I didn't remember the fuss and muss I might not feel so grumpy about it.

Just feeling whiny, bitchy, and needy obviously. The feeling will pass. Thank cod I can blame pregnancy hormones for feeling this way. Even if I know that's not entirely true it's a good enough excuse for the general public. Sometimes I've just gotta get my whining and bitching out "on paper" so I don't stew on it and and up all meladramatic (yeah, like this isn't. I know. But it'd be worse) Thank cod for journals, right? So the general public isn't assaulted by my obnoxiousness.

I can't believe Sunday's over again. Stupid Josh working OT and wasting an entire day at work. *sigh* I should go get the mundane details of life done like paying bills, making grocery list, re-budgeting and the like. I just don't wanna.

Blahblahblah.

~M

The end (of my belly button) is near.

OMG! Breaking news. Urgent alert. Calling all cars. My belly button is about to burst forth.

If there's one thing about pregnancy that grosses me out more than anything else it's belly buttons popping out. Having a belly button which resembles the grand canyon non pregnant I figured I was safe.

I made it 40w6d with Liam without popping out. But oh it was flat. And sensitive. And nastified.

I just looked in the mirror and gasped in horror.

Oh the end. The end is NEAR!!!!

I really wanted to label this all fancified but it seems my ability to utilize paint today is none. Instead please look at the damn near life sized picture of my belly button. (Enjoy the ape hair belly I have just during pregnancy, the stretch marks from Liam, and the general up close and personalness that only a blog can give you!)



Oh yes, and I hope you enjoy the glow in the dark (lack of) pigment. Cod when I say I'm white I'm not kidding kids.

If you'll notice at the bottom there is a mole. This mole normally resides in the inside of my belly button. If you'll notice on the top of the picture two discolored pinkish spots? Those were where my belly ring resided (once upon a time when I was young and thin) note...the bottom one was deep inside my belly button. The top one was on the very edge of the outside.

And if you're looking super close there is a faint discoloration in a circle just blow the mole and just above the first pinkish splotch. That is the indicator of where the INSIDE of my belly button used to start.

Do we SEE how far its gone?

Literally? There is nothing left to poke in. Before I could poke an entire finger tip in without hitting the end. I can see the bottom of my belly button w/o any manipulation. I still have up to 12 weeks ahead of me people.

I don't think my belly button is going to make it.

OMFG I will absolutely lose it if it pops out. *shudders* GAAAAAAAH!

And thus concludes another useless Saturday posting. (man I really. really. really. wish my son would nap so I could stop discovering shit like this and posting it. *sigh*)

~M

I'm no good at 4am. Or 11am for that matter.

Hi. I've been up since 4am.

3:45 really is when I got up to pee.

I then laid down until 4am pretending I could go back to sleep.

Then the anxiety bug took over and I said fuck it. I then wrote a very whiny entry on paper even (so as not to wake the sleeping folk 2 inches from the computer though I wanted to something fierce. Misery loves company you know.)

I've since decided that psychotic 4am ramblings are best left for 4am and your own mind.

I am so fucking tired I wonder what we'll do when Lily decides to arrive. How the hell I'll manage MULTIPLE days of this shit. If my husband will, once again, end up with the brunt of it due to his useless shit health'd wife.

My boob is leaking something fierce again. After a few weeks break from the dripping its back and nasty.

I've also decided that lack of sleep intensifies crazy anxiety issues. This is fabulous when I decide to freak about retinal detachment. You know, something they can't check for until after I give birth since dilation is a big no no for a pregnant chick. The dumbass useless dr who saw me a few weeks back said some of my symptoms could be related to that but she didn't see anything with the exams she did to lead her to believe it was retinal detachment.

Of course I go whine on my baby board about the flashing light shit (which has been happening since pre-pregnancy but could still be hormone related to that as i never did balance out after giving birth and before getting pregnant again)hoping for people who will say yes, yes, me too. No BP issues. Nothing funny. Just weird spots.

And of COURSE someone has to tell me about her retinal detachment. fuck man. I mean, I appreciate her honesty and if that'd happened to me bet I'd be mentioning it too. Little does she know that spirals me into obsessive looking up. Looking up to convince myself there is NO WAY it could be that. Which instead leads me to think there's a LOTTA way it could be that.

So then I try to reason with myself. Lets say I have it. Worst case scenerio I go blind. Yippy skippy. I mean, sure, that's not an enjoyable activity but it's not death.

No, no, I can't be happy with that. I have to then go dramatic and realize how much I would SUCK as a blind person. I'm terrified of the dark. I like seeing. I have childfolk. I already have enough health bullshit.

Of course everything says "retinal detachment is a medical emergency if you suspect this get to the er asap" logic says DUDE YOU HAVE DEALT WITH THIS FOR SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS. IF IT WAS CRITICAL YOU'D BE BLIIIIIIIIND.

It's so loud in my brain. Cod almighty. Anyone wonder why I'm tired.

Yeah. I'm thinking some anti anxiety meds are gonna be happening. Cod knows that isn't a great option as the idea of them causes anxiety in me (yeah me and pills suck. not to mention with all the mental health freaks in my family and their poor reactions to pills I'm double terrified). Josh pointed out this am that it could set off awful anxiety attacks just taking the fucking things.

Vicious. Cycle. Seriously so tired.

I'm going to now blame this all on 4 hours of sleep and not on the fact that I'm losing my mind. I'll also blame this on hormones. And not enough chocolate. Though truth be told I've even almost an entire giant bar of chocolate. Damn my husband for bringing me home such a treat!

Oh yeah. Obviously i'm GD free. Forgot to announce it but go me! Go chocolate! Chocolate makes it all better, right?

Blahblah blahblah. Is it April yet? I'm such a weanie whiny wimp this pregnancy I just wanna flick myself. I was the model obnoxious perfect pregnant woman last time dammit! This time? I annoy even myself.

Wahwahwah. Longest time we've got left in my guts is probably in the world of 12 weeks even if she goes over (SHE HAD BETTER NOT DAMMIT!) as they usually like to deliver right around 41 weeks. Cod. For once I wish I didn't have crazy ideals about letting nature take its course and letting Lily choose her own birth day and wasn't seeing midwives. I'd really like to beg to be induced around 39 weeks. You know I'm turning into a wiener if *I* just said that. GAH! Induction is the devil unless for medical reasons.

I think I need some sleep.

~M

How can ONE child make THIS MUCH MESS!

Oh my hell almighty.

I need to hook up the cordless phone.

I was on the phone with my sister for FIVE MINUTES in the bedroom.

Liam was calmly watching tv, sitting on my couch, downing another bottle.

I walk out and he's standing by the kitchen hanging on the gate (please, child, stop that. It's just drywall and it's already getting loose. *sigh*)



Then I see what he's done.

I don't even know HOW.

Mind you the living room wasn't spotless when I left it (ha! it never is spotless with him around!) but the blankets and pillows were on one couch. His couch was on a chair. His toys were lined up in one corner with a few by the tv. The blinds had all been against the window where they belong. Everything looked OKAY enough.

I did not expect to come out to a tornado.

Please notice the Christmas tree which is still up. It's pretty much ornament free now that Liam has discovered the joy of ripping the balls off the branches and throwing them between the couches. This weekend it's coming down. I swear.

Are you ready for this?

Are you REALLY ready?

Am I REALLY going to show the whole wide internet the holy hell that is my living room right now?

Can I mention it still looks like this because I have no desire to battle it out with Liam and pick it up 40 more times today?

Alright.

I'm ready to show you.

Here it is.

Hurricane Liam ripped through my living room.

And left me this.



Cod he thought it was so fucking funny. I gasped aloud and he started cackling in his corner.



He's about to get Josh's new punishment. Stick Liam's pants on his head for torture.



Hey, it seemed like a good parenting technique this am when it took two of us at least 10 minutes to change a poop diaper and he STILL won by not getting his pants on!

Let's go ahead with down memory lane moment, shall we? This pic was taken 12/29/05. Look at how LITTLE he was.



And look at him last night.



He's so freaking big.

Cod I *heart* my crazy boy. Even if he destroys my house. Oh well. I never liked house keeping. At least now I have a good excuse. :)

~M

Oh my brain my aching brain.

For 9 million reasons I slept like shit last night.

Now this morning I woke up with the headache from hell. Could be we went from 13 degree mornings to 38 degree morning overnight. So my brain cannot handle it well.

But to top it off they are fucking sucking the sewer or something ridiculous (we live in apartments. Apartment people are notoriously ignorant fuck fucks who stuff shit down their toilets that clog everything and make them hire these super suckers once a month or so.) But the super sewer sucker is SO FUCKING LOUD AT EIGHT FUCKING AM! Go away! Suck sewers later! It's on the other side of the complex (admittedly it's not that large of a complex but that's at least a city block!) and my windows are closed and it is hurting my fucking ears. OMG this is pissing me the fuck off. I HATE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT.

They just showed the old spaghetti factory on tv. Holy hell I want this bad. WHY must my son be the WORST restaurant child ever? I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED some free bread people!

Wah wah boo hoo. I need bread and silence. Is that so much to fucking ask. And Excedrin. Looks like I really might be whipping that out. And no one lecture the pregnant woman about it. Yes, yes, the guidelines say no. The educated girl realizes those guidelines are just to make sure ignorant fuck fucks don't abuse the situation. I spoke with my midwife and will enjoy my Excedrin with glee and no guilt.

Cod it's nice to take a med pregnancy related and not feel guilt.

(In case you're wondering the big problem with aspirin & ibuprofen during pregnancy is actually in large doses during the last 4 weeks. It can hinder the baby's ability after birth to close off some flap thing from heart to lungs. So they can that the entire 3rd trimester so people don't use too much too close to birth. In reality? Even taking it occasionally those last 4 weeks is no big deal and when you brain hurts this bad? risk vs benefits....benefits WINS!)

Very bummed. After 2 three day weekends in a row we have a 1 day weekend this weekend. Oh well. The 8 hours of OT will be good seeing as next paycheck we'll have (you ready for this?!) $5 for 2 weeks!

Oh yes. We make SO MUCH MONEY!

Wonder when my sister's gonna pay me back? As I prepare to send a giant box of fabulous hand me downs for Andre. *snort* holding my breath on that one.

~M

WOOT! Give the shit stick to the bad guys! WOOT!

Okay. Not sure of ALL the details...but the worthless, useless, hag bag piece of shit fake ass 'lead' who pisses Josh off royally and does nothing is, as of today, "warehouse rep ii" and no longer a lead. (so says the email Josh forwarded me that his boss sent to everyone)

WHO WHAT?!

WOOT! Finally some justice. Josh's workplace isn't the type to fire or demote, oh, EVER. So I do hope, for his sake, that nothing is actually WRONG with him and he just got what he deserved and got demoted.

Now seriously...if my husband isn't promoted shit is going to hit the fucking fan. They were already down 1 lead. They will now be down 2 leads. Come April they will be down THREE leads.

Granted they hired an old lead as a "1 year temp" but I think that was a cover for this shit.

WOOT. At least Josh isn't totally out of the running and fucked by the old lead returning as a warehouse person. Maybe there IS something positive coming down the pipe for once. I can only fucking hope.

M

Tired of good people getting the shit sticks.

Seriously.

I just got off a phone call I so didn't ever need to hear.

Life doesn't fucking make sense. It is so damn unfair.

I already knew this but it just reminds me again and again as the good people get the really really really shitty sticks.

The only thing I can be thankful for is the idea that the phone call could've been worse. It's little consolation but it's something to be thankful for. Which is really hard when you hear news like that. But I have to focus on that fact and be appreciative of it at least.

Fuck almighty. SOMEONE give the good guys a break. Please. And now. Thanks.

~M

Feeling frustrated.

Don't even know why.

It's just one of THOSE days.

I'm tired of worrying about money.

I'm tired of my health. Today I feel ran over by a truck. It's ridiculous. My arms and legs are weak. So weak that I can't lift my son. Sure, that's fibromyalgia related. Today I don't have the patience for fibromyalgia. Pathetic, really. I've dealt with it for years. But mentally I'm not in the mood (ha! if only I got to choose when it bothers me!)

I'm really tired of Josh's work fucking around with him. Holding a possible promotion over his head for YEARS now. Acting as though he'll get it then it not happening and not happening. Then FINALLY someone left. Just in time for Josh to get that fucking write up. But yet they still implied...instead of posting for it they were going to put off "for a while". Josh is off probation. They could list for it...

And suddenly they hire back on a guy who used to be a lead there as a temp. If that isn't suspicious I don't know what else is.

Meanwhile my husband works his ass off. Takes on more than any of the leads do as a piddly ass worker. We NEED a promotion. He DESERVES a promotion. And it feels like he's stuck in a dead end fucking job. When there's no reason it needs to be. There's opportunity...he just doesn't get any.

I'm jealous of shit people getting good breaks. And good people getting shit sticks.

I just feel...frustrated. Frustrated with the way the world works. With the way my body works. With a lot of useless shit right now.

It's over 40 today. I have the window open in the bedroom. The fresh air is so nice. Yet I'm still so hot.

I'm anxious about Lily's arrival. On so many levels. I can't shake my anxiety on that.

I'm worried about my son. I'm trying to not self diagnose and be wise and wait for his routine check up on the 29th. I'm trying to walk that fine line between obsessive mother and attentive mother.

I'm irritated with my mother. She's decided she no longer wishes to communicate via email. She's not the kind of person I CAN communicate with via phone (not to mention Liam doesn't appreciate the idea of me on the phone) I emailed her anyway and now she's ignoring me. Of COURSE she is. The drama makes me want to just ignore her and my sister some more. It's much easier when that's my approach to life rather than attempting to play their obnoxious games.

I'm just a jumble today. Just a lousy ass jumble.

In positive news...I ordered shoes for both the child folk today. Spending all the pathetic amount I earned from selling a few items on a pair of robeez rip off sandals for Liam and the cutest little pair of lavender puppy faced rip offs for Lily.

I need some motivation. I need to relist shit. Get more shit written up. Try to sell more. Get our house cleared up and a little extra money. I need to clean my desk.

And to top it all off? I refuse to allow myself to feel pissy and frustrated. Like I'm not entitled to it or something. Fuck Michelle. Get OVER your childhood where you weren't allowed. You're allowed to feel shitty and pissed and pouty over this shit. It's not the worst shit in the world, no, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

I'm so tired of battling myself. Cod do I have to make everything that much more difficult.

Obviously, yes.

So annoying.

~M

Just a hop, skip, and a jump

Liam's new favorite thing to do is to do this hilarious, hysterical, hyperactive run and stop. I think he's trying to figure out how to jump or something. But he looks like a little cartoon character running in place super fast, then dashing (with the tiniest of steps) a few feet while doing this strange "uuuuuuuuuuuu-uh!" noise, and finishing with a very abrupt halt which mimics a little jump.

I'm calling this his hop, skip, and jump routine.

Lord is it adorable. Ridiculously cute. He does this in circles over and over unable to stop. It's like an addiction for him and you can tell he REALLY enjoys this and feels VERY grown.

I'm certain our neighbors LOVE us. Though considering she has a 4 year old I doubt she's terribly concerned. Josh did once apologize for all the noise upstairs and she laughed stating she's never heard us (obviously she's either hard of hearing, kind, of crazy).

Liam's brand of play is changing these days. He finds new and different things utterly hilarious. The other day it was stand in the clothes hamper and hop up and down 'surprising' mama.



Oh he was so pleased every time he's crouch down then leap up again with a shriek and a giggle.

Other fun games include the hop/skip/jump game of course. Plus hiding behind my monitor then peeking over the top and shrieking with glee, then 'tricking' me by popping out the side. We then repeat this 200 times as he laughs harder and harder until he can no longer catch his breath.

Evidently mama with glasses and mama without glasses are two different people because if I take them off he stares at me funny. Then I put them on and he laughs hysterically. I do this many times a day (it's no wonder my brain hurts most days but DAMMIT it makes him LAUGH how can I NOT when he LAUGHS people!)

Yesterday we went and visited the snow (which is all but gone with our balmy 36 degree day!) Please note him wearing the wonder shoes from his Auntie G-Homie The shoes are at least 2 sizes, perhaps 3, too big. But since he's a robeez rip off child he had nothing else waterproof for the snow. Besides, they're cute and I wanted to utilize them already!!!

As usual, when presented with something new my child was none to certain what to make of it. Remaining terribly serious and disinterested for a long while.



Until he discovered how COOL the noise was when he stomped on the snow. Oh THEN we were in business!



We came inside and he cuddled up and passed out in mama's lap. Something which is getting increasingly difficult as his sister seems to take up substantial amounts of space now.



He woke up feeling rather agreeable and allowed dad to throw the halloween hat on his head as we went through random clothes to donate/sell/etc and look unreasonably adorable.



Then he peed out of his diaper (cod help me. HOW do I get him to stop pushing the front down! Even with clothes he does this now and little boys need coverage up front folks!) So we had a wardrobe change where he ended up looking unreasonably grown and made me all weepy. Please note him playing in the bathroom cupboards. No one is permitted to poop or pee in peace anymore. No no. Liam must come play with the cupboards! They open! And CLOSE people! So does the big door! And those little wonder drawers! Oh! It's good to be a bot!



The unfortunate part of this new game is the terrible tantrum that arises when it's time to exit the bathroom. Complete with head on the floor, hysterical screams, and tears. Oh! The drama!

Yesterday seemed to be the day of hats with the halloween hat, plus using dad's work hat since we couldn't find his hat (PLEASE tell me we did not leave it at the drs! IT's very hard finding hats to fit his fat head as he's in between normal child and grown child sizes!)



Followed by mobbing around later wearing daddy's nicer winter hat.



He kept this on far too long and looked much older than just 15 months!



After such a long day he crashed quite hard. Though even in sleep was highly disturbed by American Idol in the backround. Oh. it is HARD to be a b-o-t!



And to think...I've taken 60 pictures that I KEPT in the last 3 days. You only got to see, what, 10? I think I'm containing my obsessive pic posting quite well. :)

Thus concludes pic time. I'm munchy and want something to eat but have nothing adequate on which to munch. Oh. The sorrow.

~M

editted to add: child just awoke from 2 hour nap in a FOUL mood (surprise surprise). after significant lengths of time pointing at him to cause laughter (another fabulous game) I then realized, um, hi, he needs a diaper change BAD. diapers = hell. so what's a girl to do? SING. (a HILARIOUS song if you ask Liam)

Our song for this diaper change?

Let's talk about diapers ba-by!
Let's talk about poop and pee!
Let's talk about all the good diapers!
And the bad diapers that may be!
Let's talk aboooooooooout diapers! Lets talk about dipes!
Let's talk aboooooooooout diapers! let's talk about...duhhhhhn duh!

I continued into the verses as well. Which is horrifying because why, oh why, do I still know the words to the lets talk about sex song? (Did you know it came out when I was very very young and I sang it very very loudly and my mom heard and I was in very very large quantities of trouble. That and the shoop song were the end of my unsupervised radio useage. and now you know.)

My brain just exploded...Brittney Spears pregnant again?

WHY is this considered news?

WHY must my local channel have to report that there are rumors the broad is pregnant again? Per "her friends" who say she has "that familiar glow"

I hope to fucking cod almighty this is just bullshit. Liklihood would be bullshit just because she had 2 kids so back to back no reason to think she'd have a 3rd immediately therafter.

For some reason this is making me twitch. Gah.

Now, aren't we all glad I woke up to blog about this today. Cod almighty.

~M

All the cool kids are doing it! 1-20

So my lover girl Steph stole this from the oh so cool Mum of 4 therefore, you know, I gotta jump on the bandwagon as well! For the record...this is much much more difficult than it looks. Finding 20 different significant things associated with each of these numbers!

1- The number of children I planned on having.
2- The number of children I will have come April (thought truthfully Lily is my child now too but that always confuses people) I like the way God works sometimes!
3- The number of hours I was knocked out after birth for repair work on my girlie bits after birthing Mr Fat Head Didn't Cone Right Liam.
4- The number of which Josh & I both claim to have as our favorite. This is also the day I was born.
5- The number of years I've been with my husband.
6- The number of months since I corresponded with my half sister. Bet it'll be years before we speak again. Bizarre.
7- The number of years I've lived away from my mom's home.
8-The number of "conditions" my online health record lists me having. They are:
fibromyalgia,
silent gerd w/ esophagus inflammation or something equally dramatic sounding,
anxiety,
weird hand condition where the sweat glands randomly block causing excessive itching, then bumps, then peeling,
thyroid "issues",
undiagnosed dizziness/giddiness (yeah. my dizziness makes me SO GIDDY!),
pregnancy-evidently a condition now,
and yeast issues...which have been resolved for approximately 6 months but evidently one visit with under boob yeast and it's in your record FOREVER!
9- The highest number of piercings I had at one time (2 in each ear, 1 in each cartilage, my belly button, eye brow, and tongue. As of now? I'm down to just 2 holes in each ear. Sad isn't it?)
10- The number of cats I've had in my life (tai, ed, rat, susie, mimi, rocky, isabelle, allie, roxie, sophie evidently we like the "ie" sounding names)
11- The number of pounds I've gained thus far 28.5 weeks into my pregnancy. Officially only 9 at my dr's office but in reality I weighed at least 2 pounds less when I actually got pregnant than they know when they weighed me 10 weeks in!
12- The number of weeks left in my pregnancy. In theory! (A few less I hope ! Like...10 weeks left would be LOVELY! No fewer though!)
13- The day my first niece was born. On her due date even!
14- The age I received my first kiss from slug tongue David. *shudders*
15- The day I thought Liam would be born...instead he came the following day. (Which was still 6 days after his due date. Meanie. Wouldn't 10-15-05 have been the coolest birthday? Besides he would've shared it with Steph which is double fly.)
16- The age I was when my dad died.
17- The age I lost my virginity.
18- The age I had my first drink of alcohol (while drowning the woes of that boy I lost my virginity to!) Also the age of my first cigarette. *shudders* Yet admit I still miss cigarettes. Nasty ridiculousness there!
19- The age I was when I met Josh. And the first and only time I humped someone on the first date (2nd date if you ask me but Josh claims this was our first ACTUAL date. before was impromptu coffe.) Glad that worked out as well as it did!
20- The number of hours I was SURE I was in labor (not counting the 2 days before that I *thought* I might be in labor. *shudders* Lily. must. be. more. kind. 20 hours isn't so bad...but the 2 days of intermittent labor before I finally admitted it WAS labor is cruelty to mamas.)

You KNOW you wanna do this too!

~M

KISSMYASS! (Yes, all one word.)

Oh The Soup. How do I love thee. I can't count the ways...but I'll give you one example (aside from the fact that I'm in love with your host. he likes to be a guest judge on iron chef america on occasion you know! ADDED bonus!)

Josh & I watch The Soup religiously and our new favorite (oh so klassy) thing to say to one another the last few months has been....KISSMYASS!

Please, see example and inspiration.



The Soup decided this was necessary to be played at LEAST once an episode since the original clip aired on whatever crazy Whitney show that existed and for some reason I found it so. fucking. funny.

So my husband and I go around yelling, in our best Whitney impression, "KISSMYASS" all. the. damn. time. And we think it's just hilarious and witty and fabulous.

Oh yeah. High. Society. That kinda behavior ought to get us LOTS of results with the apartment hag bags. I'll just record that onto my cell phone and play it on repeat until I get results. Should work well, no?

~M

Opening windows again.

FYI. The owners will be called tomorrow since management did not care about the strongly worded email I sent earlier about the carbon monoxide fear and the unpleasant smell.

So they got another email sent off tonight as we're all forced to open windows again.

Mind you it's supposed to get down below 20 again tonight.

Fucking. Bullshit. I will be going straight to the owners. They are a corporate management company. I expect they will take this more seriously than ignoring a fucking email and stating I should put something over my fireplace or hide in the bedroom which I will now have to do.

Angry. Angry. Angry. M

And no glucose results tonight. Dammit.

Editted to add in original email. I mean, seriously. I was polite. I babbled (when don't I?) but I think my reasoning and statements were fairly to the fucking point that when they were open for 2 1/2 hours after I sent the email it should've been replied to. HELL! When the maintenance man told them the issue THEY should've come to me. Am I insane for thinking apartment managers should give a rats ass?

Anyway...what was sent...

Hi there,

By now you may have heard that we called maintenance yesterday regarding the fireplace issue where when other people run their fireplace our house fills up with the scent of smoke. I've been told that nothing can be done about this but unfortunately I need to know what CAN be done. The temporary solution the maintenance man gave of having to plastic off my fireplace making it unusable even to me is a pretty lousy solution. (I would like to take a moment to mention how absolutely kind he was last night and again this morning when he saw my husband in the parking lot and followed up on the phone call. He is such an asset to this community.)

Yesterday the scent was so bad that I ended up calling my health insurance nurse line for a consultation. I had a headache and was both nauseated and dizzy. Being pregnant and having a young son in our house this isn't something we can mess around with. On a 30 degree day we had all the windows open in an effort to air out the smell so it was safe to be in our home. The nurse line suggested leaving everything open to empty the house of the smell and contact maintenance immediately or the fire department if no one answered. Plus if symptoms got worse having to go into the ER as it can go from uncomfortable to serious very quickly without warning.

I then felt it necessary to spend $50 last night on a carbon monoxide detector as I have no way of knowing what level the fireplace is allowing the toxins into our home. This isn't something I had budgeted for this month and yet felt it was that important given we'd be going to sleep at some point and would have no way of knowing if the scent (which isn't always an indicator of dangerous levels) was continuing and obviously we had to close our windows overnight.

This is not the first time it's filled our house with the smell of smoke...but it was the first time it caused a physical reaction. The idea that part of what we pay is to live in a safe and healthy environment, and I'm certain the fireplaces add additional value to the place upping our rent, yet they are unusable and not safe is entirely dissatisfying.

Here we are at a situation where we are supposed to sign another lease to live in a place that is potentially dangerous. What if more people in our building had been running their fireplaces? We would have been forced out of our apartment. I obviously don't like paying for somewhere that I can not be assured is safe to remain in.

I need to know what can possibly be done about this problem. Obviously it's very serious and not just for me but for other residents as well. While it may not be possible to fix the construction issue (which the maintenance guy said was the most likely culprit to the problem) there has to be some kind of a solution that keeps everyone safe and happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

Michelle Axxxx Yxxx
Apt BITEMYBIGBOOTY (okay, I put my real apt number but still)

Then tonight's email...yeah, bring in the big guns. Put my fucking husband's name on it so it's not just the crazy hormonal pregnant bitch!

Hi there,

I know you were unable to reply to my email from earlier today but once again we are having to open the windows as someone is burning in their fireplace and our living room is filled with a very strong smell of burning smoke. We will now have to retreat to one bedroom again because of the smell. Thankfully at this time the carbon monoxide reader is not registering above 30 (the lowest it will register) but it is still unpleasant enough that we have to abandon half our apartment.

Obviously something must be done.

Sincerely,

Josh & Michelle Yxxx
Apt KISSMYASS

I hate the 3 hour glucose hell test.

OMG feel like shit.

Hate the test.

Better have passed.

3 hours in the fucking lab is far too much. Thankfully we drove around between hour 2 and 3 so Liam could nap.

Still feel nasty and out of sorts.

The nice gal (I need to name her as we're basically best friends at this point with as much as I get blood draws or urine taken as of late. good. grief. The one with the husband share my bday she shares my husband) insisted every time that I was NOT to go do hard exercise during the hour while I waited. Because we can all tell I do that a lot. She also insisted on telling me no chain smoking during the test either. That's a new no no.

For some reason every time it seemed as ridiculous as the time before. And she didn't do it because she thought I would but because she, too, thinks its ridiculous.

OMG then my last blood draw I started getting punchy. It was nearly noon. I hadn't eaten and was crashing hard from the sugar. We'd taken 2 draws from 1 arm 1 from the other. My left arm (the one draw fellow) was all bruised and hurt like hell. She suggested we re-use the right arm because "your left arm's a wimp."

OMFG I howled. I got the pregnant giggles. I couldn't stop. They are contagious as she got them too then hushed me which made me laugh worse. (Think church giggles. THIS is what pregnant giggles are like. You can't stop them!) She told me she didn't want anyone thinking we were having a good time as this is the worst portion of the facility and if anyone thought blood draws weren't torture she'd lose her edge.

Cod help me. I love strange people.

Oh yes. And being strange people myself...I took the opportunity to take pics of my son while we killed time and he sang at the top of his lungs.



Oh yes, that "top" is actually his new pj's I got for under $3 yesterday. I freaking LOVE them. Of course he's a chunka so they will be too small in about 5 minutes but they made a fine 2nd layer with the weather so chilly! You can see in this none too flattering picture just how cute they are with those new $1 slippers!



OH! OH! OH! I got my first dumbass comment about the leash! WEEE! From a bimbo preppy 17 year old girl who, psst, isn't very good at whispering in horror!

I was waiting in the lab...feeling like hell after having just drank my goop. Liam was darting around and Josh chasing after him. As Liam darted out the door and down a hallway I called after, "Do you want the monkey leash?" (Now I realize my choice of words probably makes people gasp in horror but come on. It makes me laugh so hush.)

The little bimbo did, in fact, gasp in horror. The looks at her mom, cups her mouth, stares at me as she says "OMG! Did you hear that lady?! She's going to put a LEASH on her BABY! OMG do you believe that?!"

OMG I DO BELIEVE THAT! Sweetheart when you're old enough to not have to have your mommy there while you get your herpes prescription then perhaps you can gasp in horror at my parenting choices.

I shot her the dead stare and she looked very nervous. Good. Serves you right. I then had visions of kicking her in the shins or elbowing her in the face. (The sugar. It makes me violent!)

During our 2 hours in the facility my son had tons of good fun. Running around singing (sometimes tethered sometimes now). He also discovered the joy of plants. OH! Such fun! He'd run to each plant "station" and hit the ever living shit out of them.



He enjoyed weaving between people attempting to trip them while singing and acting generally cute. I cannot tell you how many innocent old people nearly broke a hip avoiding him. *sigh* Thankfully old people like small monkey boys. He did have a skill of moving JUST where they would move even as we tried to move him out of the way.

For a while he laid in the middle of the hallway (mind you the set up is so that this was very much out of the way save the occasional old person or staff.)



And then he pooped. So he thought biting the wipes container was a good way to pass the time until daddy felt brave enough to tackle super pooper diaper change hater boy. (I find it necessary now to point out that I do NOT use actual brand name wipes or diapers, being the neglectful mum my family things I am, however when we were out of wipes once while out and about I had to grab whatever they had that wasn't huggies-makes him break out-they had no generics. Just pampers. So that's our travel box. Otherwise dammit STORE BRANDS RULE! STORE BRANDS RULE! Off my cheap person needs to get a life diaper wipe soapbox.)



Oh, and in the spirit of sharing...here's goofus boy. He thinks biting his toes is the FUNNIEST thing ever. Oh my holy heavens almighty. He must've done this a million times before we finally decided it was time to go.



Note: He was wearing his new shoes but daddy pulled them apart too far to get them on his feet and, um, stretched the elastic a bit so they are floppy. Shoes will now be put aside until Liam's foot grows a few centimeters so they don't fall off. *sigh* Bummer.

I'm hoping for my test results sometime today. We'll see. I'm not holding my breath. I'll have them by tomorrow. Lets hope I did well. I feel like total hell so who knows what that means. I felt like total hell last time and still passed.

Lily's grown grown grown and can now be felt, oh, everywhere. That frontal placenta doesn't mean anything to her now. The right side is no safer from her assaults than the left and that's just fiiiiiiiiiiine by me!

Oh yes, and our maintenance type man is so nice. The old one who answered when I called about the fire place. While Josh was warming up the car (it'd warmed to 20 degrees by the time we left. NICE!) he came over and knocked on his window asking how things were with the fireplace. If the smoke had cleared out. That he hears these complaints all the time and he really wants to see if SOMETHING can get done because it's not just safe.

Mind you he and Earl (the actual maintenance guy) are the only stable, normal, kind people around here who give a shit. The management? Very tough luck.

Boo hiss. I think I'll write an angry email that way when they blow me off I can forward it onto corporate! Hooray for good ideas!

~M

Clearance shopping how do I love thee? Let me count the ways....

$26 later we have...

1 pair kaiki/jean type pants for Josh
1 great cream sweater/knit top for Josh (that no doubt I'll utilize too)
1 long sleeved t-shirt for me (WHY is there no maternity section at our freaking Old Navy? RIDICULOUS!!! The tiny ass old navy has one but not the big one!)
1 pair of pj's for Liam
1 pair matching slippers for Liam
1 pair fleece pants for Liam
1 pair fleece pants for Lily
1 pair purple cord pants that I love for Lily

Um...hell yeah. 50% off clearance is the bomb diggity. As usual it was almost ALL girl clothes which pissed me off as who knows what size Lily will or will not be.

We also went to BRU where they too had clearance extravaganzas. An extra 30% off clearance. WOOT! I could've gone all out but I wasn't trying to spend any real money...just returned stuff money.

We returned the outfit hagzilla bought for Liam for Christmas. Wanna know how much we got for it? Ready? Ready? Wait for it....

FOUR DOLLA!

Now I love me a good sale but fuck almighty. The 2nd thing she's ever purchased, for her only grandchild, for Christmas, and she spends $4. In.sane. And irritating as I refused to keep it and $4 back sucks.

I had another outfit that was too small that I swapped out for $10 so with $14 I got Lily an outfit (mind you only buying 6m+ because cod knows no one actually purchases anything above a 0-3m as a gift) and then...WOOT! The score of the day. Last time we were in they had shoes on clearance for $10. Now I'm super picky about shoes for Liam as I firmly believe that too hard shoes can hinder foot development and MOST shoes for kids are way too freaking hard. So the rule is if I can't bend it with one hand it's not purchased.

Which rules out, um, almost all shoes except the robeez types. Which I LOVE however in the NW they aren't real practical for being outside.

Well...I found glory shoes that fit the bill! But only in a size 6. *sigh* They had a pair that said size 5...but it was 1 size 5 and one size 6 hooked together. Morons.

Yesterday...you guessed it...2 size 5's! WOOT! And only $7 because of the sale! I nearly shrieked in glee! They were hidden behind full priced shoes but my obsessive digging did a mama good.

Look how fucking cute he looked in his new shoes!



Please note...actually sitting in his stroller as we go into the mall after BRU! Sure, it only lasted about 5 minutes but that's an accomplishment in these parts!

Once he was out of the stroller it was onto the leash option! OOOOOH! Monkey leash monkey leash! (please...someone tell me how cruel I am for leashing my POOR CHILD. Then you can come chase his ass around or carry his 30 pounds for an extended period of time. This way he gets to feel free yet we still get to keep him near w/o hurting our backs! WOOT!)



Besides, seriously, could he GET any cuter with his little monkey backpack of a leash on? I think not.

Note we're in front of pretzel hell. They changed their formula on their pretzels AND were out of cream cheese which, of course, started a big hissy fit from me the queen of pretzels. OH! The HORROR! (hey...3 years of working there I love me some pretzels dammit!)

Liam made leaps and bounds in his WILL NOT EAT activity and, gasp, voluntarily had some pretzel! WOOT!

Of course he shoved a huge piece in and gagged most of it out but the good thing is even after gagging it out he picked other bits up to try try again! My cod are we making progress? (Or rather is HE making progress because hell knows we're not successfully doing anything.)



It's glucose test day, btw. *sigh* Really must get up and get going. Want to get it over with asap. *sigh* They open at 8. Of course it's 18 degrees out. I'm in no rush to bolt out of the house. *sigh*

Instead I'll overload with sweetness of Liam sporting urkel pants as he opens and closes the gate to the kitchen (oh heavens how he loves opening and closing things!)



Getting out pans to help mama make breakfast.



And just being old and cheesy ass cute.



Alright. Time to get the troops in order and shuffle down to glucose land. OMFG I'm already SO HUNGRY. Whoever thought this plan up sucks. Don't let the pregnant girl eat until 11? Yeah. Lets see how well that works out (although I have a feeling the phrase HOSPITAL FOOD is in my future! EEEEEK! I hope the cafeteria is open today for after the testing!)

~M

Belly belt and bald boy haircuts.

I love my belly support belt.

I never understood the glory of them. I sure as hell never thought it'd help me. I have back pain but not the kind I'd go around whining and bitching about the way the women who end up with support belts have it.

I also have a lot of pelvic pain. Again. I'm not bitching and whining so surely a support belt would be of no help to me.

I. was. wrong.

Oh how I love mine. Best $30 spent this pregnancy by a long shot. The back and pelvic support are amazing. I don't even have a lot of back/pelvic pain today but walking can aggrivate it so I put it on.

Oh how lovely it is. It doesn't feel restrictive or uncomfortable the way women complain they do. It doesn't hoist my belly up weird or squish my bladder strange. I can't even tell I'm wearing it. Even now, under my almost sheer overtop you can't see it except a slight wrinkle where I don't have the velcro'd on well.

Oh. It makes me happy. So happy indeed.

In other news...Liam had his 2nd hair cut today. Good lordie is the back growing fast. We're still mostly bald through the temples but those flowing mullet locks had to go. Of course he moved again just as I snipped so the back is a little shorter than I would've wanted and definitely not straight (shocker). You can see his actual hairline below where the snip happened. Oh well. Looks like I gave him layers. Yeah. Didn't you know. I have that kinda talent.

Now he looks much less trashtacular.

Onto the monkey leash for the day, plus two quick stops. Maybe a 3rd to get the carbon monoxide monitor I saw online.

With my belly belt and Liam's hair cut anything is possible!

~M

Carbon Monoxide Woes. *sigh*

I had a low grade headache all morning. I finally ended up trying to take a nap even though I'd been up MAYBE 5 hours and done nothing significant in that time.

When I woke up my headache was 10 times worse. I felt like vomitting. The light headedness was extreme. I had Josh rub my head, my neck, my eyes were feeling fuzzy, I put an eye patch on to block out all light, I plugged my ears to quiet the growling of my son. Figuring this was the start of another wanna be migraine I decided to just lay low and screw all my plans.(because for some reason I will never actually call these monsters migraines when clearly that is what they are...not surprising as every woman in my life suffers from them and the neurologist told me that was most likely the problem when I spoke with him forever ago).

Where was I? Oh yeah. Head hurting. It got so bad that I made Josh get me excedrine. Yes, I know, that's a no no for pregnant women. did you know it's really only a no no in the 1st trimester and the last 4 weeks before delivery? And then the issue really is that in high doses it can be a problem for baby (something about a heart/lung flap thing that closes after birth but can be delayed if you are an asprin or ibuprofen fiend. The whole it thins your blood or blocks blood to baby is inaccurate. I just discussed this with my midwife as a matter of fact.)

Again. Where was I? Fuck almighty. Took excedrine. Then I smelled it. The fire place.

We haven't ran our fireplace since we moved up here a year ago. We rarely ran it when we lived downstairs. The fireplaces in here like to leak smoke back in and we've been told there's nothing that can be done. The best part? It doesn't even have to be our smoke but can be the backdraft from everyone else! WOOO!

Realizing thing and how shitty I was feeling I decided to call my trusty nurse line. 15 freaking minutes later I got connected with someone. For once the nurse was super nice. If I weren't pregnant and didn't have a young child I probably would just be pissed at the smell. But it was so bad our windows were open (fyi...it's 28 degrees right now)

She encouraged me to call our management and if they wouldn't answer call the fire department as that would certainly get their attention. Obviously the fear was carbon monoxide poisoning (woops. I didn't realize that. though given how many people have died this winter in the NW with the power outages from carbon monoxide poisoning I guess it makes sense). She told me to keep the windows open and stay as far away from the fireplace as possible. We discussed further risk factors, what to look out for with Liam & myself, and to go straight to urgent care if my headache didn't start subsiding soon.

I called our emergency maintenance line and, surprisingly, someone called me back! In all the times I've called (which has been plenty) I've NEVER had them actually call back. I was all prepared for the drama of freaking the fire department if need by.

You could hear that it was the old guy. He's sweet. Dude's gotta be near 70's. I want to call him more grounds keeper type than anything else. He does a lot of clean up around the place. We have a maintenance guy who does most of the actual work. He was watching the football game in the backround yet still was quite attentive (what a feat considering it's Seattle playing!)

Basically? I'm SOL. He was hilarious about the fact but said that it's the shitty design of these apartments that all 6 fireplaces in the building funnel together and the downdraft comes in. He gets TONS of calls about this and aside from tearing the apartments down there's nothing that can be done about it.

Um...great. But it's 28 degrees and I have my windows open.

He told me he didn't like that option either but there wasn't much that could be done. Make sure the flue was closed. When the fire went out the smell would go away. I explained it was so strong that it was affecting me physically and that my nurses were concerned about carbon monoxide. I don't think he quite comprehended. Pregnant. Woman. 15 month old child. Do not fuck with me.

Eventually he mentioned that someone else had put up plastic and taped shut their fire place to keep the smell out and that works really well.

Um...I'm sorry...that's the stupidest fucking answer ever. I told him I appreciated the suggestion, and understood nothing could be done by him at this time as he couldn't rebuild the entire complex today and said I'd go in tomorrow to speak with the management.

I'm sorry, I'm paying $755 a month to live in a place where I get UNHEALTHY LEVELS OF CARBON MONOXIDE IN MY APARTMENT FROM OTHER PEOPLES FIRES? How the fuck is this legal? They want to raise my rent more to continue living in this bullshit? I have a feeling psycho pregnant bitch is going to be going whacko pretty soon.

I'm also going to go ahead and purchase a carbon monoxide monitor. They have fabulous digital ones around $50 which gives you the read out and whatnot. I'm thinking give me fucking proof to give to these ass holes.

I'm on a rampage now. I should not be forced to sit with my windows open because someone else is running their fireplace. I should not be forced to put up fucking plastic around my fireplace to keep out the smell. Maybe they cannot fix that problem? But, um, something should be done.

I can't wait to talk to the useless idiot bitch of a manager. She's a freaking hill billy 4 toothed moronic no personality no people skills twit. I have no doubt she'll placate me with "that's too bad" and "nothing we can do about it". And me and my hormones will bitch slap her (oh! I wish!)

I'm going to get out of the house now. I still feel like shit but I really need to go to BRU and return some stuff. I wanna hit Old Navy's clearance racks. And maybe find out where I can get one of them there digital carbon monoxide detectors. Not that I have $50 but this is something I just SHOULD have anyways.

Blahblah bitchbitch. The end.

~M

Random thing about my husband that irritates the tar outta me.

Oh. my. cod.

He cannot brush his fucking teeth without gagging himself.

My husband is a bit of a drama king as well (golly where'd Liam get it from?) so every gagging is hysterical complete with coughing, heaving, and that nasty noise that makes everyone around wanna puke.

Newsflash. It's a TOOTH brush. Sure, brush your tongue too! Good plan. But NOWHERE does it say brush your fucking tonsils.

Oh my cod it's one of those things that just makes me twitch. Yet every single day I get to listen to it while he showers. Of course he "can't help it" ooooookay then.

All I know is every single day it makes me so irritated.

It's the little things, you know. The little things that make you love them. The little things that make you wanna stab them with a pen (or perhaps a toothpick)

~M

Sometimes my heart isn't big enough.

Gah.

My child. He melts my heart so often it almost hurts.

I could never in my wildest dreams have imagined up the things that would make me so gooshy and ready to burst.

Sleeping babies are supposed to make us ooh and ahh. Especially if they are your own. Of course sleeping babies make me aww no matter whose they are. Sleeping babies are the best.

However when your sleeping baby is suddenly a sleeping toddler doing things his own way all grown up...sometimes it can overwhelm you.

I walked out to the living room a moment ago and discovered that not only had Liam crawled up on the couch but he'd brought his bottle with him. He pulled the back couch cushions off and threw them on the floor. He then settled down in the middle of the couch, took his bottle, and went to sleep.





Last I'd seen he was running around the living room giggling. And I come out to him...just big and grown. I'm having a lot of "Liam is grown" moments lately. He's still so much a baby but I think the reality that a REAL baby will be here soon just makes me realize how much Liam ISNT a baby.

It's just AMAZING. He was just this tiny little infant who cried all the time time. Now he's this whole little person. With preferences and a personality and all kinds of craziness.

And the ability to decide he wants something and just do it. Like climb on the couch, throw cushions, and cozy up to bed.

I really want to grab him and snuggle with him right now. I miss snuggling with him. We used to snuggle every night but now my belly's too big for him to get comfy or something because he hates snuggling. Even when he's already asleep.

I won't dare go wake him now. He napped really strange early this morning and *shh* I do enjoy my peace and quiet. So I'll just let him sleep. And go stare at him a few dozen times. because he's so freaking amazing I can't describe it.

Besides...with cheeks like these who doesn't want to stare? And smooch? And pinch? And love.



I took that one earlier when he climbed up next to me on the couch and took his super early nap all by himself. When did we go from laps in the sling to crawl up and go down by himself? I'm not complaining but damn I think I missed a year or so.

How will my heart manage loving another human like I love him? I cannot imagine it getting any more full. It's almost frightening to try to imagine because holy hell it's already so full it could burst. Yet somehow I guess it'll just double to make more room. (Which scares me. I mean SERIOUSLY. How can I be lucky enough to love Liam this much? And then another?!)

I cannot imagine how people with many kids do it. The concept of loving two humans this much is overwhelming and unreal.

~M

Dear Pediatric Receptionist Chick

Dear Pediatric Receptionist Chick,

BITE ME BIGTIME.

I realize Liam's dr is the only pediatrician in the entire clinic therefore always super booked.

I realize this is a holiday weekend therefore you aren't open on Monday.

I realize the liklihood of an appointment available on Tuesday is slim.

Knowing all this you don't have to talk to me like an idiot and say, "Uh, she's all booked for a few weeks. This is why we book well baby visits VERY far in advance. She's very. very. very. busy. If this is URGENT I can get you to the pediatric nurse and have them call you to discuss the situation or you can go to urgent care to be seen."

Thanks fucker. If you'd listened to me I'd told you I was wanting an appointment due to my son's strange nighttime coughing that has been happening for months now and was hoping I could combine it with his 15 month check up and move the appointment up. If that wasn't possible I was more than willing to keep my appointment on the 29th I just thought I'd ask.

I KNOW she's busy. I KNOW this isn't urgent. I was just calling to SEE. This is why I put on my fake friendly voice and said, "I know it's a long shot but..." first with my phoney laugh. This is why I said "be seen for cough and maybe do the well baby then too" instead of just "move up well baby visit". This is why I also said "any chance there's a cancellation".

Keep up the good work snotty fuck fuck. If I didn't love his pediatrician so much I so would go elsewhere because the schedulers really fucking annoy me. Good thing the nurse is super nice. And when you have an urgent issue you can see someone (even if not the ped) pretty quick.

Pediatric Receptionist Scheduling Chick...i do not like you.

The end.

~M

Aww. How sweet mom and sis.

So my sister forwards me an email a few minutes ago.

About postpartum depression.

Pardon me while I roll my eyes something fierce.

The best part? She cc'd my mom. Who had originally forwarded HER the email.

This means the two of them were discussing ME and decided that Lisa would be the better of the two to give the info to me. (Since I'm depressed, in denial, and a bad mom.) So my mom emails Lisa, who then forwards to me with a cc to my mom to say "see! I sent it to Michelle! Here's proof!"

I'm deleting it and pretending not to have seen it. While PPD is a very real and very serious situation...it doesn't APPLY to me. How. many. times. must. I. explain. this. to. them.

Evidently 400 times more.

Why don't they get on their lovely meds for their actual, honest, real, medically diagnosed chemical mental health issues and stop worrying about me? I'm a-ok. Really.

I know they want me to join the mental health issue club they are so in denial about...but I'm sorry! I'm just not there yet! My anxiety issues are plenty but even then. Dang it! I'm just not clinically suffering! Situation problems! Not chemical! It's not the same! (Cod knows I wish it were chemical so they could just give me the "easy" way out. Meds please!)

Thank you for the oh so helpful information. I was screened by my midwife as a routine at my 6 week visit, then my primary care dr when I had a fucking fit because he wouldn't figure out what was physically wrong with me, my therapist, and the psych dr. Oh yes! And once at urgent care when I had unexplained vertigo. Everyone agreed. No. mental. health. issues.

Aside from the going crazy because my family is nuts portion.

Cod almighty when will they learn they do not know everything?

Probably never.

Back to drinking hot cocoa and dreaming of my move to Indiana. When oh when will we have the money to do such a thing? Gah! Anyone have a psychic who knows the winning lotto numbers? I swear. I'll share!

~M