Overtime is sucky time

I shouldn't call it that. It's wonderful get us out of the hole money. BUT STILL! Gah. GAH I TELL YOU!

I also have a sore throat for day 2. I'm hoping it's allergy related and not get a spring/summer cold related because I'm SO not in the mood for that.

We're supposed to go on a mini vacation next weekend with some family. The idea overwhelms me a bit. Thankfully it's all paid for by them, not us, but the travel in a weird place with an autistic kid and a one year old? Just cross your fingers!

In positive news we FINALLY have our transition meeting with the school district set up! I'm super excited by this! Tuesday the 10th. It's just the informal meet with the school district pick their brains appointment but I intend to be a total PITA and ask to set up looking at the schools before the end of the year type things. Irritatingly enough it took EACH of Liam's therapists contacting my county keep it straight dude (family resource coordinator but basically he's supposed to be my middle man making life easy. *snort*) AND me calling his supervisor and asking for a new rep to get him to call me back. He's a SUPER nice guy but a total asswad lately.

My kids have almost been sleeping through the night. In 2 1/2 years of having a baby living in my house this has almost never happened. Now? We're up to one waking each most nights at most. And when Liam's all snuggled with his mama on the couch? NONE NONE NONE. I really feel Lily's issue is the fact that she's come into the land of cosleeping again after doing so well solo. It'll figure itself out though of course.

Totally lost my damn train of thought. What a bummer, I know. Let's go for pic time because that is good fun and currenly? Liam is lounging on his personally couch watching word world while his sister is still asleep and that, my friends? Makes life miiiiiiiighty fine!

Oh yes! Liam? Is so hilarious. He's getting pretend play down and LOVING it. He would much rather hang out there in class than anywhere else. And yesterday? His therapist laughed as she announced he was the very first kid she's ever had who she used pretend play as a reinforcer. Usually pretend play is something very tough to teach but Liam? Takes great joy in making figurines and stuffed animals drive in cars, sleep in beds, eat etc. It's just crazy fabulous. I so need to get a pic of this new love because it's my new favorite part of him.

My favorite part of Lily? The ridiculous full body excitement she gets when she sees me. Oh dear cod if I never felt important before I do then! It's the sweetest and most fabulous thing ever!

On with the pics...

A very tired girl.



A very giggly boy.



Look close. CLIPPIES! Of course I cannot make them stay again but whatever. It happened once! :)



So tired (look at those red eyes!) playing with his new favorite toy instead of going to sleep after a bath. Dude he will do ANYTHING for Mr Potato Head (who, btw, must wear a hat like daddy and glasses like mama or life is not right!)



Getting his hair cut. Oh. Man. This was tough BUT it was easier if mama was there and daddy wasn't in sight (because, you know that daddy will save you from ANYTHING whereas mama is the mean one that makes you do all kinds of stuff you don't like and you just have to deal with it. *sigh* I see our roles of good cop/bad cop have already been laid.)



Look how damn cute he looked when it was done!



We had pictures done afterwards which are FANTASTIC. And after father's day I will show you them (which reminds me...they still haven't sent the online look at me code! fuckers!)

We went to the park Thursday night which was pure hilarity. My kids fell asleep on the way over and were both totally pissed to be woken up but, uh, hello, it was 630 at night. Wakey wakey eggs and bacey.





Don't worry...they got over it quick!









Wanna see some real hilarity? Jena and I taking the kids down the slide. That fucker went damn fast!



Lily was feeling super independent and wanted to wander. So I let her. She was always within sight, with 4 pairs of eyes on her, and nowhere near the road. I think she enjoyed her little solo adventures.



Although this looks good enough to send to CPS, eh?



This one, though, maybe you'll let me keep her for this shot?



And proof that I have the weirdest friends EVER? Jena's husband did his monkey impression (he? is an expert at it) then proceeded to attack me and 'pick bugs' from my hair (note-have none) and then LICKED my hair. I thought I was going to pee my pants laughing.



Yeah. This is what passes for a good time now adays and, really, that's fine by me. Even if the average mental age of us is approximately 12 most days.

Now I should get my act together. Wanted to hit the farmer's market this morning with previously mentioned friends. Husband is working again. Girlchild is sleeping and boychild is watching tv and I'm thinking laying down for a few more minutes? Might be a good enough way to start my morning off.

~M

Blah tee blah

Did I mention a week off of blogging really killed my momentum? Yeah. It did.

Also? Last entry? Requested audience participation buttholes. Clearly the audience is sleeping (I wish I were too.)

I have nothing remarkable to share these days. My girlfriend and I are preparing to start up a local autism support group/fun group/good stuff. It's really lacking in the area and while there is plenty of INFORMATION there is very little support and playgroup and inclusion and happy huggy shit.

So we're in the process of working it together. I'm so beyond excited for this. It's someplace I've really felt drawn to put together before but never quite felt I had the brains or time or strength to do. As a duo? We've so got it down!

I also need to get out info about the walk in July to the rest of my family. Thus far? No one from my family has donated or joined our team. Which is disappointing. oh, wait, my sister did join up. But still. I intend to send plenty of obnoxious JOIN US (or give money if you want) messages until the walk mid July. It kills me to see the lack of support from my family. I will remind myself that it's still a ways away and perhaps it's too difficult to write back or sign up on the simple website. I'll attempt to not be offended until the end of June (good luck to me.)

I just took a shower. And ate nutella. Good combo.

Liam has therapy at home in an hour. He's up but playing in the bedroom and I'm not about to interrupt this silence.

Liam finally said cracker! Graham crackers (and graham cracker sticks) are his favorite foods of all time (though 'bars'-crunchy granola bars are pretty popular currently). He's never had a word for the grahams though we constantly use the word 'cracker' for them over and over and with his PECS and he eats them enoug it should be engrained.

Yesterday? In class? He was finally able to spit out the word "Cracker" TWICE! Right after I was discussing with his therapist how weird it is that he has no word for that food! We'll see if it sticks.

It really feels like he's getting new words every day. It's kind of overwhelming. Though using them can be hit and miss at times, and there is still a LOT of repeating, it's really amazing to listen to his language. I couldn't phathom 5 words last fall and now we're just jumping word after word.

I must say though? The lose the bottle drink from something else fight? Is sucking ass. I'm so jealous of Joseph's straw usage lately! He's such a rockstar! I'm hoping Liam will be inspired but thus far no go. It really is great to see the two boys feed off each other and snag habits and tendencies and good things from each other. It makes it more tolerable to invade their place SO! DAMN! OFTEN! (I'm kidding. We so overstay our welcome though!)

As usual Lil gets the short end of the stick in the world of attention. She's still fabulous as ever. "Talking" constantly while flailing her hands around with her eyes super big. She's so her mama's girl. She's currently being an ass about eating which is super disappointing as she was such a good eater. Her sippy useage is also something to be desired but it's rather difficult to make one kid give it up when the other still gets it and they are both too young to comprehend.

Lily did manage to get two super small clippies in her hair the other day. She's still far too bald.

We had Liam's hair cut Monday FINALLY. It was just way too unruly in its long and thick stage. So gone it is again and back with the spikes. I missed them anyways. :)

I have to be a butthole and really get attacking stuff this morning. And perhaps get dressed before Liam's therapist arrives. I am so so so glad it's almost the weekend. Though Josh is supposed to work again Saturday perhaps. *sigh* The overtime is definitely helping dig us back out of the hole but damn almighty am I exhausted. (Yeah yeah, so's he. ;) )

~M

I need a new poll but first lets discuss the old one.

I'm not sure what inspired me to ask about everyone's relationship to autism. Curiosity no doubt. Even a year ago the thought would never have crossed my mind. But a year ago I didn't know I had a child with autism. Didn't realize just how far stretching it really is. Didn't realize that autism is, in fact, EVERYWHERE.

So I wondered where people who read my blog landed in the world of autism. There were 89 votes. One may have been mine? I don't recall if I voted in my own mini poll of sorts.

The results were incredibly interesting. Of course I have no idea how many people were single time stopper-byers (great English use there!) or regular readers. But the idea that 61 of those 89 people knew of someone with autism personally (in addition to Liam) was just amazing to me. And fantastic really.

I mean, okay, I am not supposed to cheer that everyone knows someone with autism. I think, generally speaking, that such things are frowned upon. However I really like knowing I'm not alone. That there are so many people out there that are aware and involved! And right here even!

Know what I found terrific? 12% of those who answered (which ended up being 11 people) work with people with autism. How random is THAT? And terrific. Of course I'm impossibly curious in what capacity these people work. Hell every school teacher out there works with autistic people on a regular basis knowingly or not (silly me. never realized that some people? do not tell the school district of their child's diagnosis. the things you learn the longer you flitter around the community.)

You can certainly look to the left for the results. I intend to change the poll sooner or later once inspiration strikes. But for now? I'll give you the results and ask you to leave me a comment explaining where you voted on the poll! (Or where you would have voted if you hadn't.) I love hearing stories from people about autism. To know that it's not this mystery and hidden thing I thought it once was. That there are plenty of people right HERE who are involved as well!

Though I must say after the fact I realized I'd left out a very interesting option in my poll...the option for the poled to be autistic themselves. Is the likelihood high that I'm read by many people with autism? Doubtful. However I never in a zillion years realized how many people here were personally involved with autism so who knows.

The results....

"Aside from Liam do you know anyone with autism?"

Yes, my child has autism. 9 people (10%)

Yes, a family member has autism. 11 people (12%)

Yes, someone else I know has autism. 30 people (33%)

Yes, I work with autistic children/people. 11 people (12%)

No, I don't know anyone with autism aside from Liam. 28 people (31%)


~M

Unbelievable. 64

would you, in eight million years, believe Liam's spoken word count is up to SIXTY FREAKING FOUR words??

Yeah. me neither. I wrote out the list to give to his teachers after we discussed his food intake lately (which, if you stretch it...is around 14 foods. see list below and giggle) and that somehow they weren't aware of a few of the things he will ingest. So I started wondering if we were all on the same page with his word use. Here's food....then be prepared to be blown away by the chatter monster named Liam.

always eats-
granola bars (any flavor must be right color)
kix/gorilla munch
graham crackers-and brand/flavor
oatmeal frosted mother's cookies (or generic)
graham sticks-any brand/flavor
formula
soy milk
vanilla soy milk
chocolate soy milk
carnation instant breakfast

occasionally eats-
veggie/fruit chips (though this may change after today!)
saltines
regular chips
french fries-only fast food thin cut

Words Used Often, functionally, and very easily understood:

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
cereal
bar
ready
set
go
wee (often used TOGETHER! 'ready set go weeeee'!!!)
more
bottle
no
yeah
pablo
circle
triangle
truck
cow
pig
duck
look
yellow
water
"O"
"B"
leo
bounce
jump
shoe

Words used less often, less functionally, or less understandable but still in somewhat regular rotation.

11
12
13
14
15
mama
dada
byebye
hi
bubble
swing
ball
hello
flower
liam
thank you
chip

Has used, not often, or used to use more and lost, or really hard to understand, etc

all done
red
blue
green
fry (frenchfry)
zero
throwup
wagon
numbers
shape
boat

And as I sit here? I think of others. Like "Y" and "I" and "hey" and...it's just breathtaking and amazing. Every time I feel myself being frustrating at his food habits I sit back and think how may things he DOES eat. Even if it's so few. And every time I push push push him to use his words? I smile because, honestly? Last fall? I wasn't sure we'd EVER hear functional language. His goal was 5 words each 6 month period. Having it all in front of me just takes my breath away.

He is amazing. We knew this but wow. I never ever imagined I'd get to a place where he used more words than I could easily remember in one setting!

I am so incredibly blessed.

~M

Guess who's back, back again!

I AM BACK!

TELL A FRIEND!

Or, you know, you could just jump up and down and pee your pants with me that after a whole impossible 8 day streak away I appear to be back in business.

You've missed very little. Though I will have video of me getting my stupid ass modem to start working about 15 minutes ago which is really classic.

My kids are fabulous. Lily is throwing cookies down a toy. Liam is trying to lick the tv. My cats are ass holes. My hair is frizzy AND I have a sunburn from the fucktacular weather.

Yeah. I still say fuck. a lot.

Now I have to go do the things I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to do on this computer. Like look at things like bank accounts and budgets and such. And delete a shitton of unimportant emails. For the record? I hate the fact that i have about a million emails and they are all suckular.

Thanks for caring I vanished off the face of the earth. I missed your guts. Rest assured I'd find a way to update after death if such a terrible thing were to occur. You know it was just something horrific like computer and modem and sunburns oh my.

Fuckity fuck I am a happy camper. AND i have a lovely new mouse and keyboard. Both cordless. And I'm in the kitchen instead of bedroom. Which means the likelihood of my kids being able to rip off diapers and eat their own shit is greatly diminished.

It's the little things.

~M

The random things you never consider

I went to take a lovely soak in my tub this evening and was surprised.

Okay. Let's get brutally honest. I went to take a quick scalding hot dip in the tub with a shitton of epsom salts mixed in because my girl bits have decided to explode into horror and we all know how nice a salty bath feels to soothe that particular issue (sadly, that's not sarcasm. it's really beautiful.) Not so beautiful? Attempting to go to the dr today to make sure it's JUST a YI since I took my pill for it on Friday night and was still in agony this morning and being there FOURTY MINUTES without being taken back. Needless to say I got no doctor's appointment.

Anyhow. So while I wasn't going for a bath with candles and music and a good book I was pretty pleased to be getting a quick soak to relieve a bit of the hell of my girl bits while my gourmet dinner (at 10 fucking at night. don't ask) of french bread pizza cooked up. I put on a face mask to pretend this was pampering. Filled the water halfwayish to just soak the important things and not waste too much salt (I mean, REALLY can I afford the $2 carton of epsom salt? Um...yeah. drama queen.)

As I'm swirling around my salt to make sure it disolves and I'm not sitting on prickly salt ass zone I look down to find this.



And somehow it makes me smile.

When I had roommates? Someone's spare loofah in my bathtub would send me into irritation (I mean SERIOUSLY can we not all put our stuff away? Leave it in the middle of the tub? Especially when I had my OWN bathroom? ass holes.) But somehow I found looking down and seeing my son's number lining up and a sampling of his favorite bath toys in my way? Incredibly spectacular.

I'm so lucky to have to soak in a tub full of bath toys.

Just a quick note: Make sure to MOVE the solid cheap plastic ones. They really really hurt to sit on.

~M

Happy Mother's Day

It's still strange for me to be getting mother's day wishes. It's hard to believe some times that I AM a mother. Not that I forget. But I wonder where time has gone. I feel like I was just a 10 year old coloring cards for my mom's mother's day. Now I have 2 babies being silly and goofy and giving me kisses and poking the shit out of my tattoo (Liam noticed the letters. and made me say 'w' 'x' 'y' like 100 times while he jabbed each one and smiled at me. he also repeated them so i dealt with it. his smile? equals getting anything for free.)

It's crazy that not so long ago? I was in the hospital giving birth to each of them then bringing them home SO not sure how I was going to do this mother thing!





Even scarier how I would manage this two baby deal!



Yet somehow? Here I am with two of the cutest, funniest, most amazing people that I not only helped create, gave birth to but also? Helped make so funny and amazing.




I think that in itself may be the most surprising of all things to realize on Mother's Day. I'm so lucky to have these small fabulous people around me...but I'm also helping make them so fabulous.

I just hope my talent in this motherhood thing continues. It's about the only thing I've done so well in my life. It's much harder and much easier than expected. 2 1/2 years isn't too long into this. I hope I can say I'm still a fabulous mom 10 years from now.

Of course Lily just walked in with hell knows what smeared all over her face and no diaper (I'm praying this is not more poop though there's no scent and it doesn't appear to be all over everything.) Maybe I'm not QUITE up for mom of the year. ;)

~M

WOO HOO! Picture time!

Ahhhhh.

I wake in the morning to an achy arm.

I forgot they can be a little...sensitive after the fact.

This is actually tattoo number 3 for me. I have a pair of butterflies on my shoulder (no, not just generic tee hee hee I'm a girl I want butterflies. They've always been my 'thing'.) Then a catface on my pelvic hip bone zone. That one? Was a bit more "oh I want a tattoo I don't care what! oooh! i'm 19 isn't this silly! hahaha" whatever. It amuses me even though I'd never redo that one it does remind me of being a dorky teenager.

I called yesterday morning and asked for an appointment. Gal was like "we only have appointments with dude." I'm like okay, I don't care, this is a simple tattoo. No biggie. She asks what and where and if I have a drawing. I laugh and say I have a REALLY badly drawn general concept that looks like a 2 year old did it. But it's an autism awareness/tattoo for my son. Three puzzle pieces with his initials. Real simple. On my wrist.

I was watching Joseph, Josh was working late. Josh got back at 600 (my appointment was a 630). I was planning on bringing the kids because, dude, this was simple and little and should take no more than half an hour. MAXIMUM.

Jena insists we leave them. Somehow I manage to do so without weeping. Even though she had a terribly busy day and I shouldn't have been such a butthole to leave them with her but still!

We get there and the gal's like "oh, he'll be back in a few minutes he just ran to the store. let me call him." I insisted she didn't have to call him that we were early. She called him anyways.

Dude comes rushing in pretty quickly thereafter. "You waiting for me?" he asked. Um...sure, maybe, I dunno am I? Dork.

So he comes over with this drawing. Telling me he'd gone online and looked up autism awareness and stuff and saw this idea that he thought would be really cool to do. He was SO super respectful and cautious about it. I wanted to kiss him. he was such a doll. And you could tell he REALLY cared about the concept for me.

I showed him my initial idea, he promised not to laugh, somehow didn't, I asked Josh, and he agreed dudes idea was better (I should've known this. It was SO like Jen's idea. I was just afraid to get something that 'big'. I'm such a dumbass.) So dude goes and tweaks it some. Makes it a little smaller. Adds the initials in. Comes back.

We discuss placement. I tell him I want it on my wrist but I'm not sure if I want it on my outer or inner wrist. That it's been a while since I had a tattoo and the idea of tattooing my inner wrist seems like a BIG DEAL and since I didn't care where maybe my outer wrist.

He gives me this, like, fatherly lecture on how I should put it where I REALLY want it. That the tendons and stuff can make the underside more sensitive but...

Yeah. I went for the underside. How could I weanie out? Hell no. I wanted it there initially. It was the fear of the pain that was stopping me. Whatever. Dumbass. It would hurt on top too. Just get it on the inside of my wrist already.

So three years later he had everything set up, he had my stencil on. We were in his little room. Josh and I were being total dumbasses. Dude was such a smartass and clearly, thought we were INSANE. I forgot this was a profession you could say fuck around so it was nice to be able to say my shit.

I sat on the table, he put up the arm rest thing. I broke the arm rest thing. He fixed it. And he got to work.

Seriously? I didn't even feel it when he was doing it. I had no idea he'd started! Eventually I started feeling the warmth of it and the intensity but...I dunno. I'm a freak. It was almost soothing. I was so zoning out. It was like a spa day. With permanent results. lol. The very very inside was a little sensitive and kinda 'ouch' worthy but seriously? No. big. deal.

The worst part? Was sitting there for so long! My hand kept going numb. He kept making me wake it up when he was switching colors and shit. Then I'd go back down and it'd go totally numb again.

Did I mention he was REALLY new at tattooing? I asked how long he was doing it and he said "You don't want me to answer." and left it at that. Um...okay...then Josh was discussing more complex tattoo with him (like portraits) and dude was SO honest and immediately said he was so not up to that level at ALL. Drawing a portrait and tattooing them are two different things. He hadn't been tattooing anywhere near long enough to do it. There's one guy at their shop who does it. People who do it just to do it are dumbasses and should say no if they aren't good enough. Then there was the whole way his cousin (who was working there also) was reacting to him and treating him like a new little puppy...I seriously get the idea he's been on the job just a few months.

That said? he took his time. He worked his ass off. He went over places again and again to get them just right. His edges are SO crisp. His attention to the details were fabulous. His consideration in really looking up options for me and being so professional yet not kicked ass. He was super serious about the after care instructions. And told me all work IS guaranteed so if it needs a touch up it's covered but if I come in and it's obvious I picked at it he'd tell me to get the fuck out. It's my responsibility to take care of it. Cracked me up. but true and I can respect that.

In the end? It's bigger than I expected. It's more obvious than I expected. I realize now my wrist are not perfectly centered and when he did the heart center with my middle finger? It is not centered with my arm which annoys the perfectionist in me quite a bit but not enough to be unhappy about it. Just enough to be...an idiot. When you look at it from above? It looks perfectly centered. But if I look at it it doesn't. Hey. It's the rest of the world who should see it centered. Not me!

*disclaimer* the colors WILL get lighter as it goes through the healing process. The blue? was called 'blue balls' which makes the teenage boy in me laugh hysterically. There is a "W" in the blue part which is hard to see in the pics. You can see it in real life though.

Now for show and tell...

Here's the "I'm all wrapped up post tattoo can you see under the shiney goo" pic...



Bad lighting shot last night.



Shot this morning after washing it but before applying ointment. It's a little blurry oops.



And the forearm shot to shot off the actual size and location of it. More or less.



Oh, and I'm pretty sure Liam is TERRIFIED of it.



But it could also be that I interrupted his kix time. But still. :)

Will now go pop ibuprofen. Consider breakfast. And the farmer's market. And enjoying my weekend and my new fabulousness.

I'm so thrilled that I'll HAVE to get another one for Lily. I *heart* me some tattoos (oh. the potential corniness since it is a heart. *groan*)

~M

I got a tattoo.

$76 dollars and 2 1/2 hours after my appointment started?

I have a tattoo.

On my inner arm.

And it rocks.

It's really dark right now but it will lighten.

Will show it off tomorrow.

I loved my tattoo artist. He was adorable and hilarious and fantastic and (NEW!) rocked it. He even researched autism awareness before I got there and had some ideas written out for me.

My tattoo looks nothing like I went in for. Lots like Jen suggested. And totally rocks.

And? It so didn't hurt. Okay. Lie. It was highly uncomfortable during the yellow portion (which is in the middle. lots of tender zones there) but seriously? I've had more uncomfortable paps than this.

It so rocks.

Now? I just have to head back tomorrow to give him a tip! DUDE! I left my husband to pay and it didn't have a tip spot so he didn't tip. I feel like a butthole.

My babies are exhausted. We left them with the J's for almost 3 hours! Liam never napped today. Lily's already asleep.

I will be joining them promptly.

~M

Considering options.

It's 8am. Know where my kids are? ASLEEP.

Of course they were up half the night being total ass holes so, ya know, whatever.

But for now? They are peacfully asleep on my bed. Though Lily is half off the bed I'm not messing with her.

I am, however, messing with washable markers and my arms.

I drew a heart on my left wrist top and bottom to see how I liked it (after Jen sent me a great idea regarding a tattoo.) However I decided once on my wrist? I wasn't in love with it there. I would like it elsewhere though.

So I went back to my 3 puzzle piece concept. And decided I did like the original puzzle pieces with pokey bits on all ends.

So I drew, with my left hand mind you so it looks like shit, one set on the inside of my wrist, one on the outside.

I filled one in, left the other outlines. Then filled just the middle piece in on one.

I'm at a loss for what I like best. And which location. I still like the top of my wrist. But then the bottom really amuses me too. Though I admit to being a weanie regarding the pain factor on the inside of my wrist (i've heard that's worse?) *sigh*

If I filled them in? It'd be in black. Unless I did the middle one blue or something. As much as I like the red/blue/yellow idea the fading just bugs the crap out of me. Then there's the fact that I now like the puzzle piece with 6 'sides' instead of 5. I dunno.

Here. Laugh at my purple washable marker stolen from Liam tattoo scribbles.





Oh, and no, I'm not a cutter. That is STILL a scar from Little Cat scratching me MONTHS ago. I'm so pale I hold onto scars for a long ass time.

I found a place locally (I'll link them AFTER I go there) that really sounds fantastic. A story was done recently in a newspaper around here and their business ideals and such totally appeal to me. Not to mention I saw a ton of their work (thank you myspace!) and their artists are amazing.

I mean my tattoo? The easiest thing ever. But still. I don't need a ghettotacular one. Someone crappy could SO screw it up.

I? Am so mega excited it almost hurts. WOOT for me. WOOT FREAKING WOOT!

Also? I need to renew my license. It expired on my birthday. Um, hello moronhole. Renew it already!

~M

p.s. I swear my wrist guard isn't moldy. It just has a huge slice in it so all the innards are kinda curdled or something. Eww. Sounds just as bad. Whatever.

Tattoo? This weekend? I think so!!

EEEEEEEEEEK!

I've finally figured it out.

My tattoo for Liam.

It will be autism related for a few reasons.

A: He has autism.
B: It's an opportunity to raise awareness.
C: I said so.

So I've been fooling around with ideas. I? Am not an expert paint user. So excuse the fact it looks like shit. In this 'photo' you'll see 4 things.

1. The original puzzle pieces I swiped off the internet. I knew I wanted the center piece to be more like the autism speaks puzzle piece because it's recognizable to autism AND it makes nice clean likes.

2. Before I tried erasing the insides. I have no desire to have a dark blue tattoo. BUT. I am considering his initials inside the boxes. Also considering his initials and b-day below. Or none of the above and letting the puzzles be their own tribute to Liam.

3. Oh look. I (crudely) erased the innards. The idea of 3 primary color puzzle pieces appeals to me. The downside is that colors fade. Yellow is not very bright to begin with and yellow fades SUPER fast. And I don't want it looking 'old' fast. Something to consider. If not yellow what then? Because that's a very traditional autism primary coloring.

4. Then I considered just doing the outlines of the puzzle pieces. With or without initials/dates etc. Or filling them in all black.



Am seriously considering putting it just above my wrist on the 'outside' (inside sounds more appealing to me but the ouch factor makes me wanna barf.) It's obvious enough to be noticeable but coverable should the need arise.

I'm hoping to possibly get it done this weekend if I can swing it. Though I'm thinking my guy retired which sucks bananas.

I know the puzzle pieces are controversial in the autism community but, frankly, I don't care. because to ME they are a beautiful thing. It's not about autism being a puzzle that needs to be fixed (cured).

It's about knowing EVERYONE is a puzzle. That autism is a piece of the puzzle of the world. About putting all puzzle pieces together to make things complete. About loving the puzzle that IS autism (because truly? It can be puzzling if you don't have it! If you're trying to understand something unfamiliar and unexpected. Not BAD but DIFFERENT.) not to mention the puzzle that NT could be to people with autism. It's about finding a way to make those two 'worlds' coexist. Finding all the puzzle pieces and putting them in their right places. Each person a piece of a puzzle. Not to mention that puzzles? Are approximately the greatest thing on earth, next to numbers, for my monkey boy.

Warning: About to go on a tangent.

I don't want to cure autism.

Am I glad my son has to struggle with it? Not at all.

But autism? Has some beautiful things to it. Being visual learners. Being detail minded. Seeing things 'differently' than other people. These are all traits I find to be incredibly admirable! Do I want to stamp those things out of my son? No! hose are some of the things I love the most!

I love watching him learn. I love learning from him. Seeing the world through a 2 year old's eyes...yet in many ways it's more than being 2. He's so wise. He's so stubborn. He's so smart. His determination is incredible. His passion unmatched.

If I killed the autism? It's likely I'd kill that too! I don't want to kill those things! I love them! I love him!

I love his hand flapping when he's excited. How many grown people do you see EXPRESS their joy in ways that are less traditional without a care in the world? I love his ability to communicate without words. I love how sensitive he is. Oh, sure, it's not really exciting to me that he screams hysterically if a tower of blocks falls down but then there's also the joy of watching him rub a soft blanket on his face. Something I'd never think to use as something soothing and positive.

I'd like to be able to talk with him more. I'd like to ease his frustrations (much of which I believe comes from the inability to communicate better.)

I don't want to solve the puzzle of autism. I just want to help people realize where the pieces of autism fit in with the rest of the puzzle. They aren't pieces to a different puzzle-but pieces to OUR puzzle. The middle sky pieces in a 1000 piece jigsaw that seems impossible to finish. Yet in the end each and every piece fits just perfect.

So that? Is why I want puzzle pieces on me. To share the puzzle of life. Of autism. Of coexisting. Of loving my son.

And because, seriously? I will be the coolest mom ever in Liam's world. Now if only I'd tattoo NUMBERS on me then we'd be in business!

~M

Notes to my children.

Dear Liam and Lily,

First and foremost I'd like to let you know I love you on bagels. You are the best girlchild and boychild this side of ever.

That said?

OUR HOME IS NOT DIAPER OPTIONAL!

Until you learn to poop and pee in a toilet (by yourself. without assistance from me) you are not the one choosing what does, or doesn't, cover your 'private parts'.

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE RIVERS OF YELLOW SHIT STREAMING OUT YOUR ASSES!

You are both very. very. very. lucky that the FOUR TIMES I've found a diaper NOT on your ass there was not a trail of yellow water shit leading me to you. You now both have onesies on and if you manage to take the diapers off with those on? I'm feeding you to the cats.

Love, Mama.

In other news...

Dear Liam,

I love how you say mama. I thought it was a fluke but you've given it to me at least once daily. And it's the best gift each time I hear it. You stop, think, and then pipe out 'mama' in this little voice...before continuing your craziness. It so rocks and then some.

Love, MAMA!

Dear Lily,

You are so your mama's girl. You're bossy and stubborn and throw a mean tantrum. I have to love you for it. Especially when you give big goofy grins afterwards that make it all better. I have no doubt now I know exactly how your daddy feels dealing with me.

Also? Your new use of the word 'no'? Is hilarious. You know you're doing something bad and I look at you and you pipe off 'no! no no no!' while continuing. Being cute? Doesn't excuse you for pulling everything off my desk.

BTW...I'm sorry I taught you no already. I swore 'no' would be like a swear word in this house. Maybe that was the problem. Swear words are way too okay.

Eh, at least you say 'no' and not 'fuck'.

Love you swirly, mama

p.s. any time you wanna stop saying DADA and start working on MAMA I would so love it. you're learning words right and left missy and I want THAT ONE ALREADY. Got it? xoxoxo

P.S. TO BOTH OF YOU: STOP SHITTING YELLOW DIARRHEA WATER. PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE! KTHXBAI

boo hiss poo piss

Oh what a day!

At least I can get into blogger!

here's my good shit bad shit list.

Good:

I can get into blogger

Bad:

I cannot get into my gmail email which is the only one I give a rats shit about. Though if it's pressing? You can email my junk mail m4sheshe at comcast dot net.

Good:

I got an updated version of my bug scanning program to beta test

Bad:

Thus far it's found 454 issues. holy. shitwad.

Good:

I had a hilarious message on my cell phone that went on for 4 minutes from Brenda (bitch. you need to blog.) I heard her singing to her kids. Someone eating a banana. Her kids acting like maniacs. Oh dear cod it was funny shit.

Bad:

I had a missed call from my hag in law. There is never any good when that happens. Though she did not leave a message or email either of us. Yet. We'll see. I'm all out of sorts at the reality that she called. Ugh.

Good:

My kids are napping like rockstars!

Bad:

It's because they are sick.

Good:

I just bought them each a case of diapers last night

Bad:

They've each used, I dunno, 400 diapers with all the nasty yellow rancid water shit they've had going on now all. day. long.

Good:

We also just bought a huge thing of detergent

Bad:

We'll be putting it to use as everything they wear is getting rancid leakage.

Good:

I'm making jokes about the poop and keeping a good attitude.

Bad:

I cannot stop singing "When you're sliding into first and you're feeling something burst...diarrhea! diarrhea!" and on. and on.

~M

too hot too hot too hot baby

70 degrees?

The day after my birthday?

Bullshit.

That is all I have to say.

And 58 degrees at 10pm?

Obnoxious. I'm in a tank and shorts already.

I am SO screwed come summer.

The end.

~M

At this moment I turn 26.

It's 10:16pm.

Know what time it is?

Michelle turns 26 time.

Happy birthday to me!

I had a fabulous day. I hope i have a fabulous sleep. To wake up tomorrow to a fabulous day at the start of a fabulous week.

Or something damn near that at least. :)

I got to do some of my favorite things. Eat at Panera Bread. Go to the mall to let my kidfolk play. Make some money at said mall by selling some of Liam's stuff (strangely enough to a gal from Liam's birth club! INSANE!). Going to the farmer's market! Drinking coffee. Getting a bunch of phone calls and text messages from people I love. And hanging out with some of my favorite friends!

I did miss out on cake because, dude, we so lose track of time but rest assured...I'll get some tomorrow!

Strangely enough? The J's? The husband's birthday? Is tomorrow. Mine is today. Joint hanging out is always a good thing! Joint birthday fun with people we looooove? Rocks it.

I'd put up pictures but they're uploading still. We'll see if I manage to throw a few in. I'm so tired. Good tired but TIRED! Josh's 24 hours of OT last week totally zapped me. Having just today as a weekend made it fly by.

But it was nice. It was a day all about me and actually felt like it! Which was fabulous.

I'm going to soak up the last few minutes of birthday goodness before it's back to the regular ol' week (though I'm claiming 48 hours of birthday fun. which means I still get another 24 hours. lol.)

Some fave pics from today...Liam with his tree...which he SAID!!! Liam said TREE!



Attempt to get a pic of the two of us.



NIIIIIIICE pic of me while on the phone at Panera.



Lily lounging.



Silly boy.



Silly girl.



~M

Best birthday present ever.

I was sitting here playing a game. My kids were being neglected in the living room with their babysitter Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I was impatiently awaiting my husband's arrival after 24 hours of mother freaking overtime this week.

Suddenly Liam ran in here. I turned to face him and he looked up at me and whined "MAMA!"

Then he crawled up and said "BOBBLE!" with a pitiful wail.

Then looked at me straight in the eye and said "Mama!.....Bobble!"

This is the first time I've been certain I've been called mama by one of my babies. Liam used to say mama but it was always "mama-mama-mama" and directed towards Josh. Lily just likes "dada".

There have been moments where he was really upset at school where it was POSSIBLE he said mama...but this? There was no question. My baby boy called me mama.

I don't know if or when I'll hear it again but I'll take it for now. Not a better birthday present anywhere. Not even the free coupons for Jack in the Box tacos my husband got me (yeah, not kidding. he has no budget for gifts until next week. so he saved these coupons he got when he got lunch one day. the romance is alive!)

Liam and I sure do have fun together...playing superman....



Competing for mama's loving....



A little horsey ride time (don't ask about my bare back. he insists on pushing shirts out of the way before he takes his ride.)



And especially when mama makes a fake racetrack on the fridge then makes ridiculously overdramatic "ZOOOOOOOOOOOOM" noises as he drives his cars around in a terribly typical fashion.



I get all that AND a 'mama'? I'm not sure life gets much better. Especially when you consider I even have this bonus girl as a gift too!



I? Am the luckiest.

~M

My birthday is tomorrow...what can you do?

Wanna make me super happy for my 26th birthday (I will be closer to 30 than 20. Somehow? Not as scary as people are trying to make it seem. Talk to me again in 4 years though...) To make me happy? You can just go sign up to join our Walk Now For Autism walk on July 19th in Tacoma! Seriously. If you're local? GO SIGN UP! Raise money! Or don't! Just come walk with us! The more walkers the more attention for this event!

SIGN UP TO WALK!

Or you could donate!

DONATE TO MY PAGE

Or heck! Even better?! Go find a walk in YOUR area and sign up for it! They are all over the US and Canada throughout the year! Even one in London.

MOST of them haven't happened yet this year! (And if you do participate let me know!)

FIND YOUR OWN WALK!

So there goes my AW my birthday AND my favorite cause! I'd really really love it if you walked with us or in your own walk even more than giving money because I'm more about getting the awareness out more than getting the money together (though it sure is going to a fabulous cause!) Hell! Promise me you'll share the links on the left with someone! That is a fabulous gift too (because surely, all of you want to give me gifts! Aren't I a presumptuous butthole? lol)!

It's been a long day and I'm so glad it's almost over. I cannot believe my birthday is tomorrow. Somehow since having kids the whole birthday thing gets terribly overshadowed and it's lost its oomph for me. Weird.

~M

Just call her shitface.

Oh. my. cod.

I give up.

I have hiccups that are rattling my ear AND giving me a headache.

We had a long day where my kids BOTH wanted me at all times at playgroup. And shrieked and screamed. And one of the new teacher aids came up afterwards (she's gotta be grandmother aged. and not like 40 year old grandma but like old fashioned back in the day 60 year old grandma.) and gave me a sympathetic pat on the back and said "Oh sweetheart you did wonderful out here with both of them! You're really really great with them." Which was actually really lovely but tells you just how crazy the situation was. I didn't notice at the time but looking back? I'm exhausted.

So then we made it through school, drove around, had horror hell getting upstairs, then fine, then more therapy which went really quite well. I even brushed Liam's teeth! (New technique? Make ridiculous noises until he laughs, hold down his arms, which makes him laugh more, then slam tooth brush in. Previously? This would cause hysteria of the bad kind. Today? It made him laugh so hard he couldn't catch his breath AND I got to brush all his back teeth! WOW!)

Right now though? Liam is in the bath. Lily's napping on the couch. Josh is being secretive about something and was going to wait until my birthday to tell me. Since we have ZERO money I know it's not that so there is NOTHING big enough to merit it being a surprise.

I was tired. Like holy crap I need a refund tired. So I did my bad mama routine AGAIN (because somehow the idea of staying awake until 7pm and dealing with my monsters was WAY too much to handle) and I turned on the tv, shut them in with me, and did a half nap on the couch. Of course Liam decided mama the lump on the couch was his personal bouncy toy so the sleep wasn't that great but I took it.

I noticed someone had pooped and figured I'd better get up. It was rancid. I did not WANT to get up but figured it'd been a while since diaper changes and I'd better get it before it got everywhere.

TOO LATE!

Miss Lil had taken her diaper off and there are approximately 50 footprints around my living room. Their favorite toy is covered. SHE was covered. Her bottle? Was thrown out as she protested as it had shit from top to bottom including the nipple which she threw in her mouth.

Oh. And that mouth? COVERED in shit. Her nose. Her chin. Her FUCKING TEETH.

I seriously contemplated barfing. Instead wound up with hiccups. I locked her in the bathroom while Liam sobbed to get in and turned on the shower. She is little and fast. This was NOT fun. She screamed worse than ever. I'm afraid I left a bruise from holding onto her to get all the shit off. I even loofah'd her face which was spectacular but ugh. There was so. much. shit.

She then continued to scream and scream and scream. I tried to give her Liam's bottle to relax her and she's suddenly turned into Miss Picky. SHE ATE SHIT but would not drink from her brother's bottle? Fuck almighty.

I found a nipple. Washed it. Stuck her on the couch and let Liam have his highly desired bath. I'm drinking an Italian Soda I made wishing instead it was hard alcohol though I'm not a drinker. I'm going to go out tonight no matter how shitty I feel. I MUST get a break. Even if it's to Target to buy diapers or something.

And I still have ANOTHER DAY OF THIS TOMORROW!

This 24 hours of overtime this week? Is horrific. The good news is it fixes our financial fuckedness. The bad news is I may not be sane when I hit 26 years old on Sunday.

Dear cod my birthday is Sunday. Somehow I cannot even imagine such a thing.

~M

Oh monkey boy you're lucky you're cute.

So I didn't get to bed until like, 2am last night.

And though it SOUNDED like I was drunk and I was WALKING like I was drunk i was, in fact, quite sober despite the fact that I'd been out with my fave girlfriend.

Except we'd been at the ER with her son because her husband was still hours away and dude NO ONE needs to take their baby to the ER alone!

Good news? He's fine. At least last I heard he's fine. Probably a reaction to antibiotic from hell that makes everyone barf. He just chose to wait 5 days to react that way. Bad news? I am tiiiiiiiiiired.

We had 2 therapy sessions today. The first one was our first OT at home. It went really quite well all things considered. My apartment was still trashed. I barely vacuumed before she arrived, and Liam didn't have the kind of significant meltdowns she gets to experience most other sessions. This was great. We then went to speech at his school and he was a chatting machine. Words which left his lips? "uh oh" "Liam" "go" and "cereal." numbers 1 and 4? Brand new copying us and used repeatedly. He's fabulous.

The kids fell asleep in the car so I let them sleep and I drove around. Sipping a coffee I shouldn't have bought but needed it to stay conscious (even after drinking half a mini pot of coffee this am during OT. I have NO manners and so didn't offer her any! EEEEP!)

I finally drug us all home and enjoyed the task of getting us all upstairs. On a good day Liam screams bloody murder and crawls up the stairs. (Probably because I poke him with a cattle rod to get him to follow me.) However waking up from a nap and being asked to go up three flights of stairs? I think people in New Jersey heard his angry screams.

I tried to remain conscious but eventually I decided if all I was capable of doing was letting them watch tv? I was going to nap. I closed off all needing supervision areas and laid on the couch and dozed in and out of sleep every 15 minutes as Word World played on repeat. Of course my children were SO not interested in mama napping (though if I'd been awake they would have ignored me like no other.)

At one point I felt myself stabbed in the eye. Liam had discovered my glasses were not on my face and rule one of the land of Liam? Mama wears her glasses. Even to bed. If she is not wearing them? You find them and put them on. OR ELSE.

Yeah. That was great. So I fell back asleep with my glasses on. I covered my head up with blankets and tried to tune out the story of dog having an 's' that would save the world after pig ate all the pie. Liam was really irritated with me but I figured it was because I was covering my head and ignoring the nice worldish animals. He then discovered my hand was tucked under my head and tried to dislocate my pinkie finger. Repeatedly. I eventually uncovered my head and what does he do?

He shoves his bottle in my mouth.

WHY THANK YOU!

If I wasn't awake before I sure was then.

So I refilled his damn bottle (way to make a point child!) to which he happily chanted "bobble! bobble! bobble!" I went to find my glasses? And discovered they were totally MIA. I cannot find them ANYWHERE. I cannot really SEE so that makes finding them even more difficult but DUDE. I'm just interested in how I missed Liam taking them off my face (because it's not like the cat ate them while I napped) but also in the fact that Captain Attention to Detail was happy without my glasses on. Mostly though? I would just like to know where they are. I mean how will I ever last not being able to SEE 'pie' turn into 'pies'??!!

Yeah. I'm hoping Josh can find them easily else I'm so very screwed. I have an old prescription of glasses where one lens is too strong. That should be super fun to use if I cannot find mine for a while.

That boychild is WAY lucky he's cute. Between sticking his nasty bottle (who knows where it had been!) in my mouth and losing my glasses? He is all of 10 seconds from being grounded for, oh, 10 years or so.

~M