The underlying edginess

For fuck's sake I am TIRED. I am REEEEEEEALLY tired of being tired.

I've had a week straight of waking up way too early with edginess anxiety. You know the kind you have before the first day of school? Where it's just uncomfortable and really for no GOOD reason? Yeah. Except it's not the first day of school.

It's just inconvenient but not unexpected. It's a common part of this illness. Medicated or not. To have small bits of undesirable discomfort occur.

I have a lot going on right now. Plenty to be stressed about. It happens. I'll just keep swimming.

It's been a week of this though and I'm tired. I was GREAT yesterday! Absolutely no issues whatsoever except when I hit Winco and, um, hello, Winco would make a SANE person edgy. And even that wasn't too terribly bad I just didn't wanna dawdle around in there but do my business and go. Which is good for the pocketbook.

Lil and I are supposed to get our act together this am. I need a waterbottle for tomorrow's early childhood conference. And it will get me out of the house. And I'll get to hang out with a friend who I adore. So i should probably go along with it and not cancel as sometimes I just have to get going to get through it.

Just pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease no early wake up tomorrow. Pleasepleasepleeeeeeeeease. I'd really like to sleep and be refreshed. I'm not feeling terribly optimistic about it. All I can do though is just keep swimming and do what I can.

The nausea though? Fuck off. The no sleep and anxiety nausea can go the hell away.

Also? The lack of pens in this house HOW do I lose every! fucking! pen! I! own! Lots of crayons and markers but those don't work so well to journal. Dammit.

~M