Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
This has really been bugging me off and on for a while.
I dont' want another child RIGHT NOW (I'm definitely not in a place to deal with all the drama that goes with it.) But recently? I've realized I REALLY do not want to be done with my family expansion project. :)
I have 2 of the most amazing kids ever. Which makes me realize that seriously? I would love at least 2 more. I always swore I wanted ONE child. And I meant it. And if Lily had never come around? I bet I would still have been happy with just a single child.
Yet now I have two? And I think OMG how much greater would three? or four? or a zillion be? I see bigger families and I'm jealous!
Of course there's the whole Josh got his penis chopped and we can't afford it part.
But I like to think our days of parenting small children are not numbered. I hope that as our kids get a bit older we are presented with different opportunities to parent more children.
And not just so I have an excuse for a mini van. ;)
It's just. It's weird. It's not seeing babies that make me want more (though watch out! My girlfriend just gave birth Sunday and I have a feeling seeing her in the next few days may make my ovaries explode!). I think it's a frustration that my body? OBVIOUSLY announces it's prepared to make more. It shows its, um, readiness, and my hormones go wild. The biological parts of me are all working in overdrive.
Things I couldn't make happen while trying for Liam. Things that didn't exist while not trying for Lily.
I don't know. It's really been on my mind. A lot lately. And while it's not something I need to hop on and figure out this minute...it's interesting to me. Because as damaged and fucked up and needy and medicated as I am? I really do believe i'm a great mom. And I believe being a great mom helps me remember that I'm also a great human.
And besides? I really really like being a mom. Way more than I ever expect. And it multiplies daily. I wondered when my "babymoon" would be over? And I suspect never. I literally love my children more every day. They are not perfect by a long shot. They drive me insane. But I catch my breath multiple times and just feel ready to burst with pride and love and this FEELING.
Should I burst out I can't fight this feeling anymore? It's now in my head. lol.
Also in my head is the reality that I need to get both kids ready for school. Myself ready for a psych appointment. And then another busy Wednesday. i hate Wednesdays.
But I so love my kidfolk. Times eleventy million.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
he has taken a ton of bites. is experimenting with tater tots. some in his mouth some not. climbing up to get more after one fell.
he makes me smile. now he is counting "one potato two potato. one. two."
it is not quite really eating. but it isa such a huge step in the right direction. he is amazing. i am so proud of him right now. and always but moments like this make me giddy.
woot! just he just ate a whole bitten half and swallowed it! all done eating potatoes daddy. they are all liams to play and maul.
cannot think of a better use of food!
oh and she will not be forward facing much longer. her ass will face the back. i just cannot install it well and josh has icked his back for too long. as soon as he is normal it is backwards! comments from the peanut gallery ignored. safer and perfectly comfy. back she goes for another 10 pounds. i hope.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Alright. Keep those prompts coming. They rock it. It IS what I need to get my juices flowing again.
Of course one of my best friends gave birth to her son last night which totally gives me plenty to talk about but I'll pass. I don't feel like reliving my own childbirth adventures currently. I'm just excited that she has a healthy, gorgeous, fabulous baby boy in her arms and they are both doing well. And that she text messaged me at 5 in the morning to tell me. *heart* Last I'd heard was last night when she'd caved for meds and was at 8cm. I can't wait to hear the rest of it. I *heart* babies. And did I mention he's actually cute and I don't have to lie about it? How fabulous is that??!!
Alright. onto today's prompting. From the girl who has been my sister for years despite not being birthed by the same parents, raised together, or any other traditional sisterly business, Steph the world famous published author GO BUY HER BOOK who is too cool for me but still loves me despite it all.
Oh. And I'm not normally a book plugger and she'll probably die realizing that giving me a prompt (about church noless) made me pimp her out. Then again, she likes big pimpin'. ;)
Okay. I'm distracted. My son is, for some odd reason, chanting "bubble bath bubble bath bubble baaaaaaath" which, I assure you, is not happening at 630 in the morning.
So church. Here's the deal with church. I? LOVE church. Seriously. I miss church tons. I used to go twice weekly to an amazing church. And it was worth the time and effort and I left feeling 10 times better than when I went in. And even shy me made some friends. Felt comfortable around those I didn't know. And always learned. A lot. And thought. A lot. The making me think? Was fabulous.
I haven't been to a church in a while. I haven't been with regularly in about 7 years when the church I was going to? Turned into a mega church with 2 floors, stadium seating, big screen tvs, and being broadcast on tv. Complete with the pastor now with highlights and the wife wanting to be Tammy Faye. No no no no no no no. That? Was not the intimate, uplifting, personal, fabulous feel. If I wanted a mega church? I'd stay home in my pj's and watch it on tv.
So I quit. I kept my faith and my beliefs and I quit. Because, seriously, where was I going to find a church who didn't hate gays? Didn't think you should bow down to a husband? Was contemporary AND traditional? And had done away with hymn books? For the record? I'm not a hymn girl. Oh. And who wouldn't die if I said fuck. I mean, I don't say fuck on church grounds but I'm certain God is not going to strike me down for my use of the fuck word.
Yeah. Just about nowhere. And remember that many churches? Are like cults. And elitist cults at that. And joining is signing away your life. And if you aren't ONE OF THEM you aren't welcomed. Or you get lost in the masses. And while, generally, I like to blend, I also like to exist. So I'm one picky bitch.
And I like to say bitch!
Anyhow. Yesterday's church was not a church for me. And I posted a post on my mommy group hoping someone has another option out there. I need to find one that fits.
Yesterday's church was full of super sweet old people eager to welcome. A GREAT nursery with a gal who has special needs kids herself and therefore was more than comfortable with Joseph (who was our guinea pig). And it was a female pastor. Which is exciting.
Unfortunately that is where the excitement ended. It was hymns. It was very high octave singing. It was traditional. The sermon lacked...inspiration. I wasn't moved. It didn't make me think. It didn't sit with me and make me want to hear more.
Oh the old ladies were sweet. And I cracked up as one spoke of the prayers needed for people including her grown grandsons who everyone prayed for a while ago. The Lord answered by tossing them in jail and that was just right by this gal.
But I didn't feel the VIBE. The worship portion was lacking. The sermon uninspiring. And while it had that old fashioned church feel with the new fashioned wear jeans if you wanna thing...it just wasn't for me. And I'm afraid I offended my friend by this fact as she's decided this is the church she wants.
Except I think she looks at church as something to do. An hour of time to herself. A concept. I want more than that.
I dont' know. I'm excited that it sparked a desire in me to keep looking. And I have a possibility for my next church to check out with my partner in crime, Jena.
So while this church didn't do it for me...it did inspire me to keep looking and that's a fabulous feeling! To have the spark and desire ahead of me again! How delightful! I'm actually looking forward to looking for a new church...even if it takes a while.
Except we'll take next weekend off in Holy Observance of the SuperBowl. Most likely. ;)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I still love all of you but I really wanted prompts. Not don't leaves. I was whining. And in there somewhere asked for prompts for stuff to write about because I'm in a slump. So do that. Though I love you loving me. I want help in what to write about. Ask me questions. Give me suggestions. Something. All of you. Now.
Now? I'm headed to church. This could give me something to blog about. We'll see how it goes. A girlfriend of mine has great things to say about it. And I've been wanting to go to church for quite some time (like, years). It's been near a decade since I attended church with any regularity.
A nice, sane, non judgmental church could be really beneficial for me.
So we'll see how this works. For now I have to cut up oranges for the goo.
Friday, January 23, 2009
I think I might be done blogging. At least at this blog? I don't know. I've never given up a blog before. I don't know.
I just....haven't been feeling it lately.
I still need it but...I dunno. I hate that i cannot keep up with other blogs. I dont' know what blogs I want to keep up with. I hate the whole blog competition I love you you love me we're best friends until we're not reading. Stupid craptacular. I dunno.
I should've prefaced this. I'm fucking hormonal.
Considering a private blog.
Considering no blog.
Considering hell if I know.
Maybe I need prompts to get me back into the blogging spirit.
Someone? Give me some prompts. Anyone. Lurker. Drive by person. Regulars (are there any left?!). Ask me random shit. Give me things to blog about. Maybe a few weeks of blogging prompted will bring back the mojo.
For now? Ibuprofen, my cozy blanket, and my mp3 player will be my friends.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Saw the Obama daughters walking down for the inauguration and got choked up. They are just sweet and precious girls. What an amazing time in their lives!
Then heard about how they are going to still have to make their own beds and it just made me get weepier. They are thrust into this crazy public life...yet their parents really ARE trying to keep their lives as normal as possible.
Makes me really appreciate them from a parental standpoint.
Crap almighty. I'm supposed to go to a playdate. Do you think I can do anything but talk politics today?!
I'm sitting here, logging into cnn live. Preparing to watch one of the most amazing moments in history. And *I* get to be here to experience it?
I really did not imagine our country would progress enough in my lifetime to see this day.
To say I'm excited is an understatement!
So very very soon the reign of craptacularness will be over and a new era will begin. Lets hope (very very very) soon to be President Obama does all he promised and all he is capable of. There's such hope. there's such energy. There's so much room to go up.
I am so very very excited today.
What an exciting moment to experience!
I'm sure I will have tons more to write as the day goes on. I have chills just going on facebook to see everyone watching the coverage, all the updates on it from friends. All the excitement. What a fabulous day!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
My children are hilarious. Getting more ridiculous by the day.
Yesterday we went to a local snow event where they bring snow in from mountains and attack a park with it. Making a snow playground, a huge sledding hill on one of their hills, random snow stomping areas, crafts, food, bouncy houses, and loads of running around.
I have 188 pics to go through. It was that much goodness. This is after deleting a bunch that were obvious get rid of types. I *heart* taking pics. And lets not forget all the pics Jena and Josh took with HER camera! WEEEEEEEEEE.
The highlights for me yesterday? My daughter and her drama tantrums. Where she just would lay down flat on her back, pretend to shriek, kick a foot, then get up and go back to doing whatever got her in trouble. Rinse, lather, repeat. I *heart* this age. It's so dramaramic. Like she doesn't have enough of that.
Liam? Was on his most fabulous behavior. He decided to be a total grown up and play like a madman (including on the teeter totter with mama. a new one that doesn't catapult you into the air like when we were kids but on springs that still gives you some good bounce. Unfortunately I cannot share a pic with you as no one was taking pics of that.)
Then he took Josh through a walk in the "jungle" (aka a forested trail but he had to remark loudly that it was a JUNGLE) then he sang twinkle twinkle over and over for daddy. And WITH daddy. I'm sure all trail dwellers were charmed by the garbled English of the boy who speaks as fast as his dad and still has plenty of pronunciation issues. ;)
When they emerged from the forest/jungle we went past the carriage rides with horses. He was uncertain what the crap they were so I explained they were horses. Who go neigh.
There starts the neigh.
Then we see dogs? And woof woof. There were a LOT of dogs too.
This morning? He saw one of our cats, said 'meow' a half dozen times, then chucked her behind him as she was nearing his cereal and he would not stand for that. Granted she weighs next to nothing but hurling cats? Not very manner filled.
Okay now he's insisting on holding Josh's toe while eating.
And Josh is starving.
And I'm going nuts.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Dear Cable Company Josh Works For,
Just because YOU opted to change your fucking payroll computer system this year and it had a glitch? Does not mean *WE* should be suffering.
Josh entered his holiday and floating holiday hours as directed. His boss approved them. All were sent to you on time. He checks his paystub online today and finds out that it is 8 hours short? And discovers that it's due to a GLITCH IN YOUR FUCKING SYSTEM? And that you'll attach the money to the paycheck in TWO WEEKS?
The phrase go fuck yourself is feeling REALLY big right now.
Figure out a way to get us that check asap. Josh doesn't work his hours to have them put on hold. Last I figured 8 hours of fucking pay is a REALLY BIG FUCKING DEAL TO US. As in ALL OUR FOOD/DIAPERS/GAS MONEY YOU FUCKERS. And I don't have any bills I can put off. I need to pay the cell, the power, our car, insurance, and for my meds. I guess there goes my trip to the psych, the thearpist, the girlie dr, and my $20 fucking haircut I really need.
Oh. And I promise you? You are NOT getting paid this month for our piddly cable bill.
Please. Go fuck yourself and solve this now. This WILL be escalated. Ms Payroll Woman for the office? Is NOT the end of it. And if I have to call Philadelphia myself and threaten to go completely psychopathic on your asses I will.
Fuck taking 8 hours pay because of a glitch. And then making us pay more in taxes because it'll bump the bracket? fuck. that. shit. yo.
Um. I'm not happy.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So as the game started Liam snuggled up to daddy to watch the game. And Josh asked who would win. Liam was QUITE passionate about his choice. Guess well see how his prediction goes. Though hes been right every time weve asked before.....
Friday, January 09, 2009
help yet no option in my heart. much more to blog when near computer w/o boy on my arm. now more tv.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
your river update. this is the little bridge right by my place. i live approcimately where that house is in the start of the video. but i live three streets west. fucking insane. kelly is playing weather girl for me. maybe she will update facebook and such for me. we are safe and dry with loads of supplies if power goes out. school activities are cancelled this afternoon and most probably classes tomorrow. insane.
So once again the river is rising.
This time projected to be 2 feet worse than in 2006.
I somehow do not see pics of the 2006 flood. But it was awful enough to flood out first floor apartments with a few inches of water and make the road impassible for a while and our parking spot non existent.
Yeah. That's exciting.
Of course they projected the same thing a month or two ago and nothing came of it so I'll be watching the river closely. But last time? We went in a great act like this:
River from our old apartment (same complex. Just a few buildings down.) You can see where the river is supposed to be.
So here's one view at 7a on that flood day. Nowhere NEAR the peak of the flood. Normally the river? Is down an embankement past the trees that are in the 2nd round of trees if you look behind the pair of trees.
By noon it had entered apartments down the way and covered porches below and beside us.
That's about the time we went to leave....
Hmmm. Can't go that way.
Can't go that way....
Or that way...
Or to the store....(though dumbasses walked along the path. um...hello. rest of path underwater your moron holes.)
Stopping to 'admire' the insanity of the 'path' which is now wider than the river normally is. The river that starts past the trees....
Plus our pool! NAAAAAAAASTY!!!!
And then driving along...
The good news? The sandbags, water pump, and backhoe are already out there prepping.
The gooder news? We have local friends instead of having to drive to Silverdale to stay with my sister!
The gooder-er news? If it does NOT go as dramatic as they think? (Which was far worse than the pics I took! We left before it rose another 4 feet!)
However the bad news is I need to pack a bag, get 2 kids ready for school, and myself ready for taking Lily to school, eat something, find my vitamins. Try not to lose my mind...all within a small small timeperiod. WEEEEEEEEEE.
Must. get. moving.
Oh. And in case you want to stalk the river I speak of....email me. I'll send you the link. It's pretty cool stuff to see. updated every half hour or hour. Depending on their mood evidently. But 28 feet was the max it hit last time....and we left at 24....we're already near 22 feet right this minute.
Don't worry. As soon as the light is out? My camera is out too. So better get shit ready while it's dark! I have photos to take!